The number of people being sent to prison is increasing year by year. While some people believe prison is the best way to tackle crime, others suggest that community service is more successful.” Discuss both views.
Nowadays there are plenty of people who are sent to
jail
and also
rising in numbers. In addition
, to overcome this
crime, some of them believe prison
is the most effective way. Otherwise
, the community
could tackle those crimes.
To begin
with, the majority of them believe prison
is the best way to reduce crime. In prison
, police and security will manage entire circumstances in prison
. Most of them will trapped in this
kind of place and no longer depend on criminalcrime activity. Without fresh air limited views are the major reasons and people will also
frustrated inside the jail
.
In addition
, limited access to meeting their family and friends would be more stressful for them.
On a daily basis, they frequently meet and talk with their father or son, however
, the frequency level will decrease from normal life. Moreover
, various people inside the jail
may also
bother them. There is a community
also
Correct pronoun usage
that also
having
a leader Wrong verb form
has
and
absolutely will Correct word choice
who
bullying for
Wrong verb form
bully
newcomer
.
Fix the agreement mistake
newcomers
Thus
, it will impact their psychological aspect or even worse.
On the other hand
, advocates of community
service argue that it can be a more effective and humane approach to dealing with certain types of crime, particularly non-violent offences. Community
service aims to integrate offenders back into society by engaging them in meaningful work that benefits the community
.
To conclude
, sending them to jail
is
making them give up Unnecessary verb
apply
such
as limiting of
view, having no fresh air, and getting bullied by others are the significant reason for them. Change preposition
apply
Otherwise
, communities served to
have a different way to tackle Verb problem
should
this
problem such
as engaging them with meaningful activities.Submitted by rifki.lufthansa on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the issue, but the arguments could be more fully developed. It’s crucial to delve deeper into why prison or community service might be effective and include more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use topic sentences to guide the reader. Work on improving the flow between ideas and paragraphs for better coherence.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the examples and reasons you provide to make your argument more convincing. Introducing specific cases or evidence would strengthen your essay significantly.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a solid approach.
task achievement
Your essay makes a genuine attempt to address both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.