Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over
The
media should not reveal details about Correct word choice
whether The
celebrities
' personal life
in public. I partially agree with Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
idea
Without a shadow of a doubt, the media ought to be respected
Wrong verb form
respect
of
Change preposition
apply
celebrities
' private life
. Because Fix the agreement mistake
lives
celebrities
still have the right to keep their private moments for
themselves and do not need to share with others if they are not willing. To be more specific , when well-known people finish their job at the studio they just want to spend their normal Change preposition
to
life
with their family and do things that ordinary people do, the journalist should let
them alone if they are not allowed to take pictures. Verb problem
leave
Thus
, it is important that the press don’t
focus too much on the normal lives of Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn’t
celebrities
.
On the other hand
, it can make a famous person's life
worse if the press invades their private
.Owing to some Replace the word
privacy
celebrities
' private moments can be photographed by journalists, who may inflate the story, damaging the public's perception of the celebrities
.For example
, Britnety
Spears, a well-known singer whose Correct your spelling
Britney
life
was ruined by the media when they stole her personal photos and made up a story about her life
in the way they want
. People's perceptions of Briney shifted Wrong verb form
wanted
as a result
, and she was perceived as a horrible person. Britney also
lost her independence and her career over the next fifteen years. Therefore
, it may be extremely harmful to celebrities
when journalists reveal details about their personal life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear conclusion. Your essay currently lacks a conclusion which wraps up your arguments effectively. Try to summarize your key points in the final paragraph.
logical structure
Improve logical transitions between ideas. While your ideas are generally clear, working on smoother transitions will improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Watch for grammatical errors and sentence structure. Pay attention to the use of singular and plural nouns, as well as the correct form of verbs. For instance, in the sentence 'the journalist should let them alone if they are not allowed to take pictures' – 'journalists should leave them alone' would be more accurate.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant, specific examples, like the case of Britney Spears, which strengthen your argument effectively.
complete response
Your response comprehensively addresses the task, presenting a balanced viewpoint that acknowledges both sides of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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