Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local custom and codes of behavior. Do you agree or disagree ?

It is undeniable that these days many people are seeking
their
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a
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better quality of
lives
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life
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, so they migrate to other countries. In
this
regard, many think that to assimilate
in
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into
show examples
the new
society
, immigrants should forget their traditional cultures and customs, and they should attempt to be familiar with new local cultures. From my perspective, it is not absolutely necessary to abandon their ingrained
culture
,
however
, familiarisation with
culture
in
new
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a new
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society
can be advantageous for their migration.
To begin
with,
culture
and tradition
plays
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play
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a vital role
for
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in
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nation's
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a nation's
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identities
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identity
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, which should be preserved and passed down to our younger generation.
This
is
a
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an
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inherent responsibility of every citizen. If we
are fail
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fail
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to
substain
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sustain
, no one will do so.
As a result
, our nation, race and language will not vanish in the long run.
Hence
, no matter where we are, we should not forget our traditional
custom
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customs
show examples
.
For example
,
parent
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parents
show examples
should put efforts
to teach
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into teaching
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their mother tongue to their children, thereby they will appreciate and value their own race and nation.
On the other hand
, people tend to migrate for either
their
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apply
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better job opportunities
and
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or
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their studies.
Indiviually
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Individually
, cultural diversity and racial prejudice are common challenges which most
imigrants
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immigrants
are facing
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face
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, when they relocate to other countries. To accustom with
new
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a new
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society
, they should adopt the positive aspects of the different
culture
.
For example
, in some nations, consumption of beef is prohibited. As a migrant,
this
kind of
their
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apply
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culture
should be avoided and be respectful.
Consequently
, their life living in foreign countries becomes more
ease
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easy
show examples
.
To sum up
, it can be reiterated, that
although
people migrate to find better opportunities, they should not
abondon
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abandon
their original traditions and customs. Adaptation should not
forget
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be forgotten
show examples
in
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
society
.
Submitted by ayepwintphyu02 on

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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear stance, it would benefit from more specific and relevant examples to better support the main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay maintains a smooth flow by using appropriate linking words and phrases. Some parts of the essay feel a bit disjointed.
task achievement
The essay effectively outlines both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly frame the essay, providing a logical structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immigrants
  • integrated
  • adapt
  • customs
  • codes of behavior
  • social integration
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • estranged
  • mutual respect
  • harmoniously
  • assimilation
  • multicultural environment
  • inclusivity
  • diversity
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