IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Your local council has decided to close the only park in your town and build a car park in its place. You believe this will have a bad effect on the people who live and work in the town. Write a letter to the mayor. In your letter introduce yourself explain why you think the decision is wrong say what you think the council should do instead

#council #park #town #car #place #effect #people #work #mayor #decision
Dear Mr Kim, I am a resident who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 lived in Topayoh since I was born. I found my neighbourhood quite convenient and
tranquail
Correct your spelling
tranquil
 throughout the time I live here. I heard that you have decided to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 our town by building a
carpark
Correct your spelling
car park
 in the existing public
park
.
Therefore
, I am writing
this
 letter to request you,
reconsidering
Change the verb form
to reconsider
show examples
 your decision as it is
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 public space in the vicinity of our town. Based on my experience,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of residents rely on
this
 public
park
 whenever they
want
Add the particle
want to
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 do physical exercises and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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social gatherings.
In addition
,
playground
Correct article usage
the playground
show examples
 in the
park
 has been a favourite spot for children, which is usually crowded with them, especially on their holidays. If
this
 essential
park
 for many
resident
Change to a plural noun
residents
show examples
 is demolished , they could not find the other places.
Hence
, I would like to suggest an alternative solution, renovating the existing carpark to the multi-storeyed carpark.
As a result
, the
park
 will be affected. I hope that you can understand my
explaination
Correct your spelling
explanation
, and my suggestion will be helpful for your future decision. Best Regards, Aye
Submitted by ayepwintphyu02 on

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task achievement
In your second paragraph, try to add more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your argument for why the park is essential for residents.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors. For instance, 'residents who have lived' should be 'resident who has lived'.
task achievement
It would be good to propose more than one alternative solution to the plan, to provide the council with multiple options to consider.
suitable writing tone
Your greeting and closing are appropriate and polite, setting a formal tone which is suitable for a letter to the mayor.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph contains a single idea, making your points clear and understandable.
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