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Band 5

Some people believe that tourists should accept social and environmental responsibility while others believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility at all. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #tourists #responsibility
People
 have different views on whether
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 should consider their
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
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to
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 society and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 for other countries or not. I agree
with
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apply
show examples
that all tourists should accept these
reponsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 and respect
that
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them
show examples
, since
this
 problem has affected the entire society. On the one hand, there are several grounds
the
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for the
show examples
 view that
people
 do not need to take any responsibilities of
travel
Correct your spelling
travelling to
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country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.
Firstly
, the government cannot force them to get a duty of their
country
, because
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 are not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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citizen
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citizens
show examples
. If the nations require compulsory social and environmental responsibilities to them, it could lead to significant problems in their tourism industry, as
tourist
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tourists
show examples
 can feel heavy burdens of
this
reposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
. In the same vein, the public who live in the
country
 should accept these duties rather than tourists.
For example
, if the citizens do not care about their
country
's environmental and social problems,
traveler
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travelers
show examples
 believe that they
also
 do not need to care about these
issues
, as they are not
parts
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part
show examples
 of
this
country
.
On the other hand
, I suggest that all
people
 should respect social and environmental duties. To
beign
Correct your spelling
begin
 with, these
phenomenons
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phenomena
show examples
 have become serious
issues
 in the world.
In other words
, it is not only
individual's
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individual
show examples
concerning
Correct word choice
apply
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issues
 but
also
the
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apply
show examples
global
issues
.
Moreover
, especially in environmental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, it is getting serious and
also
 several countries
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 shown remarkable natural damages.
For instance
, there are some adventure tourism products in the jungle or desert. It is no doubt that
people
 who join these
merchendises
Correct your spelling
merchandises
merchandise
 have already vandalised some heritages by taking
picutures
Correct your spelling
pictures
. For these reasons, most
people
 who just visit for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 days should consider
of
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apply
show examples
their
overall
 responsibilities for the earth. In conclusion,
this
 issue is complex. Despite there are pros and cons for both perspectives, I strongly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that all global
people
 should play a crucial role in protecting
of
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apply
show examples
the world.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

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task achievement
Clarify and strengthen your main points with more specific and detailed examples. For instance, elaborate more on how tourists' activities may affect local environments or social structures.
coherence cohesion
Smoothen the transitions between different points to improve the overall logical flow of the essay. Use transitional phrases effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs.
language and grammar
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Simplifying some of your sentences can also improve clarity.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's opinion on it.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes the writer's stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay covers both perspectives, presenting a balanced view before expressing a clear opinion.
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