A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In recent years, there has been an immense increase in the obsession
of
material Change preposition
with
possession
as it is seen as a marker of financial status. Fix the agreement mistake
possessions
While
some claim that material possessions has
a greater Change the verb form
have
impart
Correct your spelling
impact
of
how an individual is perceived and that old-fashioned Change preposition
on
values
,such
as honour, kindness and trust ,are no longer paramount, others argue that old fashioned
Add a hyphen
old-fashioned
values
are equally essential. This
essay will delve into both perspectives and offer a nuanced view.
Advocates for material possession claim that the social status of an individual is highly influenced by how much property, land, money, buildings, and business they have. These people
are then
weighed on a materialistic scale to access
their worth, Individuals with significantly higher possession of wealth are treated with much respect, highly acknowledged and usually given front seats in social Verb problem
assess
gathering
as they as perceived as highly important Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
people
. For
instance
celebrities are usually accorded so much respect both online and offline.They are often seen as role models, in most cases Add a comma
instance,
people
are attracted to the financial status they have acquired and not necessarily the individual personality and values
they posses
.
Correct your spelling
possess
On the other hand
, proponents of old fashioned
Add a hyphen
old-fashioned
values
claim that an individuals
personality is by far the most important Change noun form
individual's
attributes
a person can Fix the agreement mistake
attribute
poses
. These attributes cannot be purchased or taken away from as Correct your spelling
possess
their
are part of a person's identity. Correct pronoun usage
they
Moreover
, despite having all the material possessions , people
still crave for
honour, kindness and trust.
In conclusion, both Change preposition
apply
perspective
are valuable and the debate is complex. Change to a plural noun
perspectives
However
, i
firmly believe that old-fashioned Change the capitalization
I
values
such
as kindness, honour and trust are of paramount value and a
society should not solely strive to be wealthy but Remove the article
apply
endeveour
to Correct your spelling
endeavour
posses
these Correct your spelling
possess
old fashioned
Add a hyphen
old-fashioned
values
.Submitted by shantalesiyoni23 on
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task achievement
The essay could benefit from deeper exploration of both sides of the argument. Adding more specific examples and elaborating on the points made would enhance the overall response.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision. Breaking down some of the longer sentences may help to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and typos that affect the overall quality. Careful proofreading can help to catch and correct these errors.
general
Using a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures can make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion contribute to the coherent structure of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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