SOME people think the government should invest money in teaching science than other subjects in order to for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Individuals argue that the
authority
should distribute money in scientific courses Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
than
other subjects so that development can be seen. I firmly agree with Rephrase
rather than
this
statement, and I will explain several reasons.
First,
science
benefits economy
through businesses Correct article usage
the economy
are
based on innovation. Unnecessary verb
apply
This
means scientific improvement such
as power utilization improvement boosts technology innovation. For example
, Add an article
the industrial
industrial revolution
allowed Britain to become a superpower in the world Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
due to
innovation
of Correct article usage
the innovation
steam
machine. If there is no scientific progress, there Correct article usage
the steam
is
not so many innovations. When televisions Change the verb form
are
are
invented by an American, the USA not only became a country which was Wrong verb form
were
more freely
in information exchangeCorrect word choice
free
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the only one which has the
TV program industry.
Correct article usage
a
In addition
, science
lessons need more funds than other subjects. Science
lessons need more money rather than literature courses because the former demonstrate theory by
experiments. Change preposition
through
This
means essential development in theory is based on numerous scientific research, which does
not only cost on salary for researchersUnnecessary verb
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
spend money on experiments. These tests need to be operated by using materials which are usually expensive. For example
, chemicals are needed in chemistry classes, some of which are rare. As chemistry, physics and other advanced subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
is
prepared, some wealthier countries build spaceships for the reason of exploring the cosmic.
In conclusion, I strongly believe scientific classes Change the verb form
are
is
the base of Change the verb form
are
science
progress, and the funds from authority should be lean on science
lessons. As a result
, there are more innovated
Replace the word
innovative
industry
will be introduced and more knowledge will be obtained, which Fix the agreement mistake
industries
ensure
the development of a country.Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
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task achievement
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion. You have touched on the main points effectively. However, it's important to develop some of your points further to provide a more comprehensive response. Particularly in the second body paragraph, examples can be expanded for better clarity and relevance.
coherence cohesion
While your essay flows logically, the transitions between paragraphs can be made smoother by using more cohesive devices. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily. Additionally, you should seek to balance the ideas presented in each paragraph for a more cohesive structure.
task achievement
Your main points are supported well, but some examples could be made more specific and relevant. Ensure that every example used clearly supports the point you're making to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of certain phrases and words to maintain the reader's interest. Use synonyms and varied sentence structures to improve the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and your stance is firmly stated, which sets a good tone for the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a good command of language, which helps in articulating your ideas effectively. Additionally, your essay is well-structured, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point.
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