IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Fast food is becoming a part of life everywhere, negatively affecting our lifestyles and diets. Do you agree or disagree.

#food #part #life #lifestyles #diets
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There has been an ongoing debate
on
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apply
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pertaining to whether fast
food
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 is having a detrimental effect on our everyday life and our choices of
food
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. The writer of
this
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 essay supports
this
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 statement as fast
food
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have
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has
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 contributed to many health problems and
have
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has
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also
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 generated many unhealthy ways of living. It must acknowledged that the nutritious values in junk
food
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 predominantly consist of saturated and unsaturated fat or high
dose
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doses
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 of sugar. What
this
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mean
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means
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 is that it would cause cardiovascular problems;
for instance
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, blood clogging up
due to
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large
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a large
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 accumulation of fat on the side of veins or arteries disrupting the flow of blood and could result in heart attacks and strokes.
This
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 can be apparently observed in many nations but the clearest one would be America with over 60% of the population suffering from diabetes and obesity. Another point to take into consideration, fast
food
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 can alter the routine of the consumers. Eating habits will be affected adversely as fast
food
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are
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is
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 considered more convenient and nutritious
while
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gourme
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gourmet
 dishes are time-consuming.
Accordingly
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, individuals will opt for junk
food
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 and that will be the main driver to a plethora of health problems. In conclusion,
thought
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though
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 fast
food
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 is indeed an
indispendable
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indispensable
 part of our life
but
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apply
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the adverse effect it grant is tremendous.
This
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 essay has made it clear whether fast
food
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 is negatively affecting our
life
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lives
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.
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coherence/cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your main argument in a concise manner. Consider making a strong, explicit statement of your position on fast food's impact on lifestyles and diets at the beginning.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary use throughout your essay. Phrases like 'it must acknowledged' should be corrected to 'it must be acknowledged,' and 'blood clogging up' should be 'blood clots forming.' This will help in expressing your ideas more clearly.
coherence/cohesion
Expand your conclusion slightly to reiterate the main points covered in the essay for a stronger finish. This helps in leaving a lasting impression on your reader.
task achievement
You have effectively identified and elaborated on key issues associated with fast food, such as cardiovascular problems and altered eating habits.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example related to the situation in America to support your argument. This helps to illustrate your points clearly.
coherence/cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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