IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The internet has a bigger impact on people’s lives because it is more popular than television.​ ​ Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support you position.

#internet #impact #people’s #lives #television #support #position
Emerging technology like
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 become human
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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in
Change preposition
on
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daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis and
more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 popular than television. I agree with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will explain why.
To begin
 with, there are plenty
advantages
Change preposition
of advantages
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 for people. They can easily find some information
such
 as trending topics, government
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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, and
also
 celebrity news.
For instance
, in the morning, a lot of people used to watch
a
Remove the article
apply
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television to seek some hot news but for now just use
mobile
Add an article
a mobile
the mobile
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 phone to use the
internet
 and
finally
 find out what they want.
Thus
, it makes a big impact for us.
In addition
,
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 can access both rural and urban areas. Most of them use the
internet
 for shopping some clothes, chatting with their relatives, and
also
 booking a ticket. In the past, they have to go to the mall to buy clothes and visit the travel agent to buy some tickets.
Thus
,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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 a big impact
for
Change preposition
on
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 those who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 in rural or urban. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 strongly agree
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 making
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a lot of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
easily to find something that they are seeking.
Submitted by rifki.lufthansa on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from further development in terms of supporting details. Try to elaborate more on each point with concrete examples and explanations. This will make your arguments stronger and give your essay more depth.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly hinder clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use more varied sentence structures to avoid repetition.
task achievement
Your position is clearly stated in the introduction, and you maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the structure of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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