IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Parent allowed their children to use ipad. Do you agree or disagree

Nowadays,
Use synonyms
Ipad
Correct your spelling
iPads
 have
important
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an important
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 role for
children
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 because
it
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they
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 have many educational apps that enhance learning and development in
the
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apply
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school. Some parents don't have much time to take care of their
child
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children
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, so they
use
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 an
iPad
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 to raise their
child
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children
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.
Ipad
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have
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has
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advantage
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advantages
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 and
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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 for
the
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apply
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children
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. I think
children
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 at
age
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 below 2
years
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 should not
use
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ipad
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 but
age
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 above 2
years
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 can
use
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ipad
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. I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages
from
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in
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 the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
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Correct article usage
the Ipad
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Ipad
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iPad
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 has benefits for elementary school students because the
iPad
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 has many educational apps for the students and the
iPad
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 can stimulate their imagination.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Ipad
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 can improve
children
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's
hands-eyes
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hands-eye
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 coordination and fine motor skills. In the future technology will grow
up
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apply
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and have innovation,
it
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and it
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 would be good for
the
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apply
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children
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 to learn how to
use
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 technology at a young
age
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.
On the other hand
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,
There
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there
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 are many
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
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 of
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ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
using
Replace the word
use
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 in
children
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 at
age
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 below 2
years
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.
In the
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The
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 medical research,
they
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apply
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prove
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proves
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 that
the
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apply
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children
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 at
age
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 below 2
years
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 who
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use
Verb problem
spend
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 screen time
more
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for more
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 than 2 hours per day
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 risk of autistic-like behaviors
such
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 as lack of interaction
to
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with
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 other people,inattention and conductive disorder. Autistic-like
behavior
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behaviour
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 tends to be a big problem in the future.
Moreover
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, the
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ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 is
the
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a
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 way to access the internet that has many contents that are inappropriate
to
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for
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children
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such
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 as
violence
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violent
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 videos and sexual videos.
children
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 learn from these contents that make them have inappropriate behaviors and many social problems will come. Another disadvantage of using the
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ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 is the blue light that affects the eyes and increases
risk
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the risk
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 of eye problems. Overusing the
iPad
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 can lead to reduced physical activities and tend to increase their weight and become obese
children
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that
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who
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 have many medical problems
following
Verb problem
apply
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. So parents should monitor and control the
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ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
use
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 by their
children
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 and give them suggestions about should and shouldn't
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
. In Conclusion, the
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Ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
show examples
 has pros and cons
to
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for
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the
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apply
show examples
childrens
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children
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. I think
children
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 below 2
years
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 shouldn't
use
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ipad
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 but
children
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 above 2
years
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 can
use
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ipad
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 under the control of their parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will make the most benefit to their
children
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.

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task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of children using iPads, and provided your opinion. However, try to make your stance a bit clearer at the beginning. Instead of saying 'I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages,' you might say 'I will argue that while there are significant benefits to educational apps, children under 2 should not use iPads.'
coherence cohesion
The essay could be made clearer by better structuring paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea. For example, you could separate the paragraph on the benefits of iPads from the paragraph on the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of information. Words like 'Moreover,' 'However,' 'On the contrary,' can be very helpful in guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a good essay structure.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to discuss both sides of the argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational apps
  • learning and development
  • early exposure
  • screen time limits
  • prevent addiction
  • hand-eye coordination
  • fine motor skills
  • monitor and control
  • content accessed
  • overuse
  • reduced physical activity
  • health problems
  • social skills
  • creative activities
  • stimulate imagination
What to do next:
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