Parent allowed their children to use ipad. Do you agree or disagree
Nowadays,
Ipad
have Correct your spelling
iPads
important
role for Add an article
an important
children
because it
have many educational apps that enhance learning and development in Correct pronoun usage
they
the
school. Some parents don't have much time to take care of their Correct article usage
apply
child
, so they Fix the agreement mistake
children
use
an iPad
to raise their child
. Fix the agreement mistake
children
Ipad
have
Change the verb form
has
advantage
and Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
disadvantage
for Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
. I think children
at age
below 2 years
should not use
ipad
but age
above 2 years
can use
ipad
. I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages from
the following paragraphs. On the one hand, Change preposition
in
Correct article usage
the Ipad
Ipad
has benefits for elementary school students because the Correct your spelling
iPad
iPad
has many educational apps for the students and the iPad
can stimulate their imagination. Furthermore
, Ipad
can improve children
's hands-eyes
coordination and fine motor skills. In the future technology will grow Correct your spelling
hands-eye
up
and have innovation, Change preposition
apply
it
would be good for Correct word choice
and it
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
to learn how to use
technology at a young age
. On the other hand
, There
are many Fix capitalization
there
disadvantage
of Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
using
in Replace the word
use
children
at age
below 2 years
. In the
medical research, Change preposition
The
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
prove
that Correct subject-verb agreement
proves
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
at age
below 2 years
who use
screen time Verb problem
spend
more
than 2 hours per day Change preposition
for more
increase
risk of autistic-like behaviors Wrong verb form
increased
such
as lack of interaction to
other people,inattention and conductive disorder. Autistic-like Change preposition
with
behavior
tends to be a big problem in the future.Change the spelling
behaviour
Moreover
, the ipad
is Correct your spelling
iPad
the
way to access the internet that has many contents that are inappropriate Correct article usage
a
to
Change preposition
for
children
such
as violence
videos and sexual videos. Replace the word
violent
children
learn from these contents that make them have inappropriate behaviors and many social problems will come. Another disadvantage of using the ipad
is the blue light that affects the eyes and increases Correct your spelling
iPad
risk
of eye problems. Overusing the Add an article
the risk
iPad
can lead to reduced physical activities and tend to increase their weight and become obese children
that
have many medical problemsCorrect pronoun usage
who
following
. So parents should monitor and control the Verb problem
apply
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
use
by their children
and give them suggestions about should and shouldn't behaviors
.
In Conclusion, the Change the spelling
behaviours
Ipad
has pros and cons Correct your spelling
iPad
to
Change preposition
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
childrens
. I think Correct your spelling
children
children
below 2 years
shouldn't use
ipad
but children
above 2 years
can use
ipad
under the control of their parents that
will make the most benefit to their Correct pronoun usage
which
children
.Submitted by papica13 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of children using iPads, and provided your opinion. However, try to make your stance a bit clearer at the beginning. Instead of saying 'I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages,' you might say 'I will argue that while there are significant benefits to educational apps, children under 2 should not use iPads.'
coherence cohesion
The essay could be made clearer by better structuring paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea. For example, you could separate the paragraph on the benefits of iPads from the paragraph on the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of information. Words like 'Moreover,' 'However,' 'On the contrary,' can be very helpful in guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a good essay structure.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to discuss both sides of the argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.