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Band 6

Some people believe that managers are responsible for the organization’s success, while others think various features of the organization play a vital role in it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #managers #organization’s #success #features #organization #role
Nowadays, there is debate regarding the
company
’s success.
While
 some attribute that leadership is the key role,
however
, others believe workers play a crucial role in archiving a well-known reputation. The founder of the
company
 invented a new idea and started their business through struggle and hard work. Founder play key roles in the direction of and support of the
company
. The
company
 inventer
also
 fosters the
company
’s economic growth by sharing their own
company
’s products.
As a result
, there will increase in the wages of all employees.
Moreover
, the
company
’s head can
also
 attract customers by effectively exploring their ideas and advantages of the product from the media like TV and billboards.
On the other hand
, CEOs, CFOs and employees
also
 play a crucial role in making a
company
’s name removed.
For example
, every team’s boss knows the weaknesses and strengths point of their team’s members so, the team boss can easily provide work to their staff. The boss can
also
 set time limits to complete tasks efficiently.
However
,
this
 all together creates exhilarating ideas and presents them in front of their leader to take their opinion.
Moreover
, Advertisers can
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 innovative ideas to catch the public attention.
For instance
, the Dettol soup advertises caught many people’s attention by creating it in a new way.
Consequently
, the number of buyers of the product increases and causes a redundant amount of profits to the
company
. In the recapitulation, I tend to deem that, initial sparks came from the
company
’s leader,
However
, for achieving International
recognization
Correct your spelling
recognition
show examples
 the
company
’s head and workers are essential.
Submitted by milonishekhaliya on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from better logical structure. Try to organize your paragraphs so that each one introduces a clear point related to the topic question and supports this point with relevant details and examples.
Task Achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt and included both sides of the argument. However, your points could be more comprehensively explained. Consider developing your ideas further with more detailed explanations and specific examples.
Task Achievement
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can interfere with the clarity of your ideas. For example, consider using 'achieving' instead of 'archiving', and 'Dettol soap advertisement' instead of 'Dettol soup advertises'. This will help to make your essay more clear and professional.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to structure your essay well.
Task Achievement
You have given relevant specific examples, such as the Dettol advertisement, which strengthens your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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