IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

To what extent do you agree that the men and women should do the same job as each other.

#men #women #job
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There are lots of debates that the males and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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females should do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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similar
jobs
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 as each other. In my view, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because of several different factors
that
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apply
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relative to the physical
mentals
Correct your spelling
mental
 and social reactions. It is noticeable consideration that there are some physical barriers that to one
gender
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 doing the
job
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 To put it simply, It can be observed that there are some
jobs
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 require an ability that one
gender
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 has.
For instance
Linking Words
, the males can't work as
a
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apply
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wet
nurse
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nurses
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 because they can't create milk for children like the females.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have to choose the
job
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 that suitable for their
gender
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 and their abilities Another key component of the case is there are social stigmas against genders in certain
jobs
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. It can be noticed that people have a trend to follow a more popular way. They would like to make a decision choosing the
gender
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 doing the
job
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 that they feel
were
Wrong verb form
is
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 reliable.
For example
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,
it
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if
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 people have a baby, they would like to choose a woman who has a good ability
looking
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to look
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atter
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after
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 their baby
instead
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 of choosing a strong man because they think that all women are most likely to take care
children
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of children
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 better than men
although
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 it is not totally true. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 nowadays we are living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 world that has general
quality
Fix the agreement mistake
qualities
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, people need to choose the
jobs
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 that are suitable for their physical
mentals
Correct your spelling
metals
 and their abilities in order to gain the best
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 that
job
Use synonyms
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the topic well, but the thesis statement could be clearer about your position. Try to explicitly state that you will discuss specific physical and social reasons.
task achievement
While the main points are generally clear, they could be better supported with more specific examples and data. Try to include more detailed evidence or case studies.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure and has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that each idea is fully developed. This could help in making your arguments more persuasive and coherent.
task achievement
There are some grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings that make the essay harder to read. Careful proofreading and the use of varied sentence structures would improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position. This is crucial for a cohesive and coherent essay.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant to the topic and help illustrate your points. They make your essay more engaging.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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