To what extent do you agree that the men and women should do the same job as each other.
There are lots of debates that the males and
the
females should do Correct article usage
apply
the
similar Correct article usage
apply
jobs
as each other. In my view, I totally disagree with this
statement because of several different factors that
relative to the physical Correct pronoun usage
apply
mentals
and social reactions.
It is noticeable consideration that there are some physical barriers that to one Correct your spelling
mental
gender
doing the job
To put it simply, It can be observed that there are some jobs
require an ability that one gender
has. For instance
, the males can't work as a
wet Correct article usage
apply
nurse
because they can't create milk for children like the females. Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
As a result
, they have to choose the job
that suitable for their gender
and their abilities
Another key component of the case is there are social stigmas against genders in certain jobs
. It can be noticed that people have a trend to follow a more popular way. They would like to make a decision choosing the gender
doing the job
that they feel were
reliable. Wrong verb form
is
For example
, it
people have a baby, they would like to choose a woman who has a good ability Correct your spelling
if
looking
Change the verb form
to look
atter
their baby Correct your spelling
after
instead
of choosing a strong man because they think that all women are most likely to take care children
better than men Change preposition
of children
although
it is not totally true.
In conclusion, although
nowadays we are living in the
world that has general Correct article usage
a
quality
, people need to choose the Fix the agreement mistake
qualities
jobs
that are suitable for their physical mentals
and their abilities in order to gain the bestCorrect your spelling
metals
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
of
that Change preposition
for
job
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
Your introduction sets the topic well, but the thesis statement could be clearer about your position. Try to explicitly state that you will discuss specific physical and social reasons.
task achievement
While the main points are generally clear, they could be better supported with more specific examples and data. Try to include more detailed evidence or case studies.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure and has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that each idea is fully developed. This could help in making your arguments more persuasive and coherent.
task achievement
There are some grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings that make the essay harder to read. Careful proofreading and the use of varied sentence structures would improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position. This is crucial for a cohesive and coherent essay.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant to the topic and help illustrate your points. They make your essay more engaging.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite