IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#trend #reports #media #focus #emergencies #development #people #individuals #society
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There is a widely held belief that media in recent years has concentrated on alarming
issues
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 and troubles.
Although
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 some
people
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 believe that dedicating time to discussing
problems
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 may bring about detrimental drawbacks for societies and individual
people
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, I disagree with the notion that stating positive developments cannot merely make a huge difference. With regard to prioritizing
issues
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on
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in
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 the media, we should note that pointing out
problems
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 and emergency circumstances raises public awareness to overcome these specific troubles.
For example
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, air
pollution
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 has been a crisis over the past few decades.
Therefore
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, explaining the severity of global critical matter can inform societies about
Correct article usage
the tensity
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tensity
Correct your spelling
intensity
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 of air
pollution
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;
consequently
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,
people
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 will be encouraged to take beneficial actions to prevent some of
detrimental
Add an article
the detrimental
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 consequences.
On the other hand
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, talking about positive improvements is thought to be an encouraging action because it helps citizens to follow these positive phenomena.
Moreover
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, broadcasting advantageous actions that have been done to address the raised
problems
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 and
issues
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 may cause
people
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 to cooperate and increase the
impacts
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impact
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 of these functions.
For instance
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,
media
Correct article usage
the media
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 can bold the air
pollution
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 topic and an increasing tendency
over utilizing
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to utilize
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 electric cars, which can motivate a substantial number of
people
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 to play a significant role in decreasing the amount of
pollution
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through
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by
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 exchanging their cars with electric ones. In conclusion, after considering the above-mentioned points,
while
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 some
people
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 believe that talking about positive improvements should be privileged, I am in inclined to believe that talking about
problems
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 and
issues
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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people
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 able to identify
problems
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, take them seriously, and strive to find solutions for the
issues
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.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the clarity of your main points by using more transitional phrases. For example, phrases such as 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'In contrast,' can help to signpost your arguments more clearly. This would improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay is generally well-organized and you provide a mostly complete response to the task. To improve further, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single, clear idea and directly relates to the question asked.
task achievement
Ensure all examples are directly relevant to the point being made. While your example of pollution was relevant, it could have been more specific to an emergency or problem-focused media report to better match your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your points well, aiding coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have made a complete response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument and providing examples.
task achievement
You provide clear and comprehensive ideas, making your stance easy to understand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pessimistic outlook
  • exposed to negative news
  • stress and anxiety
  • success stories
  • balanced reporting
  • well-informed public
  • rational decisions
  • sense of helplessness
  • apathy
  • skew public perception
  • mistrust in institutions
  • enhance well-being
  • mental health
  • manipulate public opinion
  • serve specific agendas
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