Celebrities such as actors, athletes and musicians earn large salaries compared to other professionals. Some people consider this unfair, while others think that celebrities deserve to be paid a lot for the work they do. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion on the subject.
Famous stars
such
as sports persons,actors and musicians are getting telephone numbers salaries
in comparison with other working professionals. Some say it is an unacceptable thing,while
others argue that film stars and other famous people
deserve to get huge for their roles. This
essay will argue that although
celebrities
are only working for entertainment,their hard work and passion towards work go unnoticed as well they have very short careers.
To begin
with,many individuals argue that famous people
are getting huge money
,which they deserve.First and foremost,they have very small careerscareers
. To elaborate, big Correct your spelling
career careers
celebrities
are getting paid for their natural talent,whereas
this
talent only works for a limited time.For instance
, the
sports persons are able to play for 15-20 years,Correct article usage
apply
therefore
they have very limited time to earn money
and save for retirement lives. Moreover
,folks are focusing only fame and money
of celebrities
rather than their hard work,passion and dedication to their profession. Thus
,these people
are getting huge salaries
,which is acceptable.
However
,some say celebrities
are getting above par
Add a hyphen
above-par
salaries
,which is unfair to other professions. Firstly
, entertainment is the only goal for people
, who are in the film industry and sports,while
, there are many other professions that are doing extremely well for the country.To exemplify, army officers, scientists and doctors are the foundation of the nation,therefore
it is mandatory to give more money
to them. Furthermore
, the military people
and doctors have been working for more than 30 years in their careers,so it will be worth it to invest more funds towards them.Thus
,it is unfair to give large salaries
to famous actors and athletes.
To conclude
,celebrities
are getting paid for their natural talent and small careers,whereas
,the contributions of the army, scientists and doctors are unavoidable for the nation.Submitted by pp6859 on
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task achievement
Your task response is generally good, but ensure that you fully address all parts of the question. Try to balance the argument with more specific examples and deeper analysis for both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Use linking words and phrases to better connect your arguments, and try to maintain a clear and logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and punctuation issues, as they can distract the reader and detract from the overall clarity of your writing. Consider setting aside some time for careful proofreading.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make it more engaging. This will help make your arguments more compelling and clear.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay well.
complete response
Your arguments are balanced, and you have covered both viewpoints, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
The essay contains relevant points and examples, which help illustrate your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example