Celebrities such as actors, athletes and musicians earn large salaries compared to other professionals. Some people consider this unfair, while others think that celebrities deserve to be paid a lot for the work they do. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion on the subject.

#celebrities #actors #athletes #musicians #salaries #professionals #people #work #points

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Famous stars

such

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as sports persons,actors and musicians are getting telephone numbers

salaries

Use synonyms

in comparison with other working professionals. Some say it is an unacceptable thing,

while

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others argue that film stars and other famous

people

Use synonyms

deserve to get huge for their roles.

This

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essay will argue that

although

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celebrities

Use synonyms

are only working for entertainment,their hard work and passion towards work go unnoticed as well they have very short careers.

To begin

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with,many individuals argue that famous

people

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are getting huge

money

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,which they deserve.First and foremost,they have very small

careerscareers

Correct your spelling

career careers

. To elaborate, big

celebrities

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are getting paid for their natural talent,

whereas

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this

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talent only works for a limited time.

For instance

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports persons are able to play for 15-20 years,

therefore

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they have very limited time to earn

money

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and save for retirement lives.

Moreover

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,folks are focusing only fame and

money

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celebrities

Use synonyms

rather than their hard work,passion and dedication to their profession.

Thus

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,these

people

Use synonyms

are getting huge

salaries

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,which is acceptable.

However

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,some say

celebrities

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are getting

above par

Add a hyphen

above-par

show examples

salaries

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,which is unfair to other professions.

Firstly

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, entertainment is the only goal for

people

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, who are in the film industry and sports,

while

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, there are many other professions that are doing extremely well for the country.To exemplify, army officers, scientists and doctors are the foundation of the nation,

therefore

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it is mandatory to give more

money

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to them.

Furthermore

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, the military

people

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and doctors have been working for more than 30 years in their careers,so it will be worth it to invest more funds towards them.

Thus

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,it is unfair to give large

salaries

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to famous actors and athletes.

To conclude

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celebrities

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are getting paid for their natural talent and small careers,

whereas

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,the contributions of the army, scientists and doctors are unavoidable for the nation.

Submitted by pp6859 on Sun Jun 02 2024

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task achievement

Your task response is generally good, but ensure that you fully address all parts of the question. Try to balance the argument with more specific examples and deeper analysis for both viewpoints.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Use linking words and phrases to better connect your arguments, and try to maintain a clear and logical flow throughout the essay.

task achievement

Watch out for minor grammatical errors and punctuation issues, as they can distract the reader and detract from the overall clarity of your writing. Consider setting aside some time for careful proofreading.

coherence cohesion

Your essay would benefit from more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make it more engaging. This will help make your arguments more compelling and clear.

introduction conclusion present

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay well.

complete response

Your arguments are balanced, and you have covered both viewpoints, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

relevant specific examples

The essay contains relevant points and examples, which help illustrate your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Celebrities such as actors, athletes and musicians earn large salaries compared to other professionals. Some people consider this unfair, while others think that celebrities deserve to be paid a lot for the work they do. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion on the subject.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

What are the advantages and disadvantages of living a number of different places during your childhood years??

Some food travels long distance from the producers to the consumers. Some people believe that it is better for the environment and economy if people only buy food produced by local farmers. Do you think the advantages of this idea would outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local custom and codes of behavior. do you agree or disagree

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?