There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Nowadays, adolescents are pressured to excel academically.

Hence

, numerous people think that to

be succeed

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succeed

show examples

academic

Add an article

the academic

show examples

category, non-academic subjects should be removed from the school syllabus. I strongly disagree with

this

opinion,

this

is because there are many ways to be a successful person, not only academically First and foremost, being academically smart is great,

due to

the fact that it will

brings

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bring

show examples

many opportunities in the future.

However

being

Verb problem

apply

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succeed

Replace the word

success

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in life is not only defined by academic work. Many people carved their path to

become

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becoming

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successful

from

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show examples

non-academic

Add an article

the non-academic

show examples

sector.

For instance

, in the old

times

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times,

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there was Pablo Picasso, an extraordinary painter. He was crowned as one of the most successful

painter

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painters

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of all time. That was

Correct article usage

apply

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proof for being

success

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a success

show examples

from

non-academic

Add an article

the non-academic

show examples

lane.

Secondly

, doing work

besides

learning science

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

in school will benefit the kids with more creativity. It will activate their right brains, allowing them to think out of the box,

Correct word choice

and being

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being

Wrong verb form

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different

Change preposition

show examples

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

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good terms.

Moreover

, doing subjects like physical education can make children healthier and happier,

this

is because dopamine hormone will be released during

exercising

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exercise

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. In conclusion, I do not recommend removing non-academic subjects in order to make

the

Correct article usage

apply

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youngsters excel academically. There are many proofs that people can

be succeed

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succeed

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from different paths, not only from

academic

Add an article

the academic

show examples

sector.

Submitted by nputera.ramadhani on Sun Jun 02 2024

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task achievement

Consider expanding on your examples to provide more detail and context. For instance, mentioning how Picasso developed his skills and the impact of his work can strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

While your points are relevant, ensure that each paragraph explains its main idea more comprehensively and logically. This can improve the overall flow and strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides a well-rounded argument against removing non-academic subjects from the school syllabus.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well. This structure helps in understanding the flow of your ideas.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

220 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Word Count

school children are becoming far too dependent on computers. this is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. teacher need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all cost and go back to teaching basic study skills. do you agree or disagree?

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Learning English is important Agree or disagree?