There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, adolescents are pressured to excel academically.
Hence
, numerous people think that to be succeed
in Change the verb form
succeed
academic
category, non-academic subjects should be removed from the school syllabus. I strongly disagree with Add an article
the academic
this
opinion, this
is because there are many ways to be a successful person, not only academically
First and foremost, being academically smart is great, due to
the fact that it will brings
many opportunities in the future. Change the verb form
bring
However
, being
Verb problem
apply
succeed
in life is not only defined by academic work. Many people carved their path to Replace the word
success
become
successful Change the verb form
becoming
from
Change preposition
in
non-academic
sector. Add an article
the non-academic
For instance
, in the old times
there was Pablo Picasso, an extraordinary painter. He was crowned as one of the most successful Add a comma
times,
painter
of all time. That was Change to a plural noun
painters
a
proof for being Correct article usage
apply
success
from Add an article
a success
non-academic
lane.
Add an article
the non-academic
Secondly
, doing work besides
learning science subject
in school will benefit the kids with more creativity. It will activate their right brains, allowing them to think out of the box, Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
Correct word choice
and being
being
different Wrong verb form
be
in
Change preposition
on
a
good terms. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Moreover
, doing subjects like physical education can make children healthier and happier, this
is because dopamine hormone will be released during exercising
.
In conclusion, I do not recommend removing non-academic subjects in order to make Change the form of the verb
exercise
the
youngsters excel academically. There are many proofs that people can Correct article usage
apply
be succeed
from different paths, not only from Change the verb form
succeed
academic
sector.Add an article
the academic
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task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples to provide more detail and context. For instance, mentioning how Picasso developed his skills and the impact of his work can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your points are relevant, ensure that each paragraph explains its main idea more comprehensively and logically. This can improve the overall flow and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides a well-rounded argument against removing non-academic subjects from the school syllabus.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well. This structure helps in understanding the flow of your ideas.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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