Some people believe that schools are no longer necessary because students can study well at home through the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, some people believe that enrolling their children in an educational
intitute
is one of the best ways for them to learn to be good citizens in Correct your spelling
institute
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
. While
others, unfortunately, are contemplating the idea that schools
shouldn't be manadatory
as all students should study through the internet. Correct your spelling
mandatory
This
worrying trend needs to be analyzed thoroughly to tackle this
issue from all aspects. Thus
this
essay will delve into why I am inclined to believe that schools
are more important than virtual studies.
On one hand, over centuries schools
have been initiated as a mean
to represent Fix the agreement mistake
means
small
part of each Add an article
a small
society
. This
in turn will lead to cultivating effective social connections. For instance
, the growing consensus that arises from comradery
sense of Correct article usage
a comradery
belonginging
in taking part Correct your spelling
belonging
of
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
is vital to creat
a healthy community. Correct your spelling
create
Moreover
, many arthropologists
and scientists argue that contribution to Correct your spelling
anthropologists
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
can only be achieved through relationships made at school
.
On the other hand
, the roots of this
question are cultural, societal, economical
and even geographical. Replace the word
economic
Thus
it is helpful to look at this
subject from all angles, as everything has its advantages and disadvantages. However
, I believe that the benefits gained from learning in a standardized methods
are essential to cognitive development in Correct the article-noun agreement
standardized methods
a standardized method
childrens
. Correct your spelling
children
And
Correct word choice
This
this
can only assessed through well-trained teachers who devoted their talents to their homeland. In addition
, the personal traits gained by school
help the individual later in life after he or she graduates. Neither contributing to the economy is the sole purpose of attending Add an article
the school
school
nor developing new
Correct article usage
a new
mind-set
toward Correct your spelling
mindset
society
. The purpose of attending school
involves a variety of aspects related to the well-being of individuals.
In conclusion, this
topic may not be simple as it revolves around many aspects which have a large impact on students, teachers and society
as a whole. One can not deny that some people believe that pupils can study effiecently
at home. Correct your spelling
efficiently
Nevertheless
, there are endless advantages of schools
in terms of belonging to the
Correct article usage
apply
society
, re-inventing character and mind-sets
in a way that serves Correct your spelling
mindsets
economy
and community. It is recommended to increase awareness of the essential role Correct article usage
the economy
schools
play in lives
of individuals.Correct article usage
the lives
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task achievement
Useful Tip: While the essay effectively covers various aspects of the topic, providing more specific examples or case studies to support your points would enhance your argument. For instance, mentioning particular studies or successful examples of traditional schooling outcomes would add weight to your points.
coherence cohesion
Useful Tip: There are a few minor spelling and grammatical errors such as 'intitute' which should be 'institute', and 'manadatory' should be 'mandatory'. Ensure you check your work thoroughly to avoid these small mistakes.
coherence cohesion
Useful Tip: Although you provide a clear introduction and conclusion, consider tightening them up a bit to make them more concise. This could help in better aligning your essay with the logical structure required for a higher band.
coherence cohesion
Positive Highlight: The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This consistency helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Positive Highlight: Your arguments are well-developed and cover a broad range of points, showing a deep understanding of the topic. This makes for a compelling read.
task achievement
Positive Highlight: You do a good job of addressing multiple facets of the question, including the societal, economic, and cognitive benefits of traditional schools.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example