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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015.

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015.
The following line chart illustrates the information about the percentage of
an unspecified households
Correct the article-noun agreement
unspecified households
an unspecified household
show examples
 owning four different types of electronic devices: MP3
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
, Mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
, and
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
 between 1995 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 owning
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 gadgets experienced a dramatic upward
trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
trend
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of MP3
players
Use synonyms
 only experienced a gradual slope throughout the given time frame.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that the tablets
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 recently introduced to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society later than the other three
device
Change to a plural noun
devices
show examples
, yet
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
bursted
Correct your spelling
burst
show examples
 up and outnumbered the MP3
players
Use synonyms
 in the second decade.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1995,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15%
MP3
Change preposition
of MP3
show examples
players
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 owned the most among the others, followed by Mobile phones and Computers at the same figure at about 9%. In 2000, the
number
Use synonyms
 of MP3
players
Use synonyms
 skyrocketed to 70%, whilst that of the other two devices
trippled
Correct your spelling
tripled
 its
number
Use synonyms
 at around 27%. Between 2000-
2005
Correct word choice
and 2005
show examples
, tablets
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 discovered and slowly
rosed
Correct your spelling
rose
show examples
 just below 20% in the next five years. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010, mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 continued
its rises
Fix the agreement mistake
their rise
show examples
 across the two decades. Interestingly, the
number
Use synonyms
 of tablets spurted
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than 60% and surpassed MP3
players
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 no more than 50%.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words mp, number, players with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • households
  • electronic devices
  • ownership percentage
  • technological advancements
  • consumer behavior
  • market saturation
  • obsolescence
  • innovation
  • trends
  • emerging technologies
  • comparison
  • speculate
  • significance
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