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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in todays world, subjects like Science and technology are most important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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With the advancement of technology and science, citizens’ lives have dramatically changed these days. Some
people
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 argue that
history
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 should be considered one of the most significant academic disciplines,
while
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 others disagree with
this
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, stating that more practical subjects are more important than the past. On the one hand, it is claimed that learning the past can be an essential subject for some
students
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.
For example
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, some high school
students
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 are required to master
history
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 to pass an entrance examination of a university which adopts
history
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 as a subject for admission tests.
Additionally
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,
students
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 who are willing to engage in work related to
history
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,
such
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 as politics, in the future can obtain benefits from
history
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. Specifically, they would gain profound insights into the prospects of politics by analyzing the past.
Consequently
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, learning the past can lead some
students
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 to their desired future.
In contrast
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, it is frequently argued that practical subjects should be more focused.
Firstly
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, advanced automation has the potential to improve
people
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’s lives, which means that the advent of the Internet or artificial intelligence led to a more efficient and convenient lifestyle.
Furthermore
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, economic growth can be generated by the development of machinery.
For instance
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, not only tech companies can gain enormous profits when they develop new gadgets
such
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 as a new type of iPhone, but
also
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 food providers can obtain an opportunity to broaden their business because of the development of genetically modified food.
As a result
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, we can say that these practical skills should be valued. In conclusion, it seems to me that science and technology should be considered more important than
history
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 because
although
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people
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 who receive the benefits from
history
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 are limited to a few
people
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, science and technology bring about great benefits to a wider range of
people
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 in society.

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from a clearer and more explicit thesis statement in the introduction. This will help to set up your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to minimize repetition of phrases and ensure that each paragraph has a distinct main point. For instance, vary the ways in which you refer to 'learning the past can be an essential subject for some students.'
task achievement
Expand the analysis of your examples. While your examples are relevant, a bit more depth in explaining how they support your main points would make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your use of linking words and phrases helps to clearly distinguish between the two viewpoints you discuss.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes your position and reinforces your main argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • moral values
  • critical thinking
  • analytical skills
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • healthcare
  • problem-solving
  • practical skills
  • job market
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