In many countries, it is common for families to own and run their own businesses. Some people think this is the best way to run a business, while others consider this a potential source of problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
In the modern era, it is popular to witness family-run businesses,
this
is a phenomenon that has occurred worldwide. Although
some individuals claimed that this
type of business
is the greatest of all, others argued that it can potentially lead to various later problems. This
writer supports the second idea because of the denser rate of domestic violence and the individual's financial burden rather than the better company's
structure.
Change noun form
company
To begin
with, it is extremely vital to consider the domestic violence caused by work. To be more specific, doing business
is risky, the market is never predictable; therefore
, many family-owned businesses have experienced loss and some are on the edge of bankruptcy. Because of that, each member will try to work harder to keep the business
alive which lead
to the density of stress and the tension between Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
members
will also
rise. As a result
, arguments, blames and fights are inevitable. For instance
, the reality show Kitchen Nightmare has done a decent job in
showing the conflict between family Change preposition
of
members
in family-run restaurants.
However
, some people believe that working with close relatives can be a significant help to the company
's structure. It is obvious that family members
understand each other strengths and weaknesses so they can distribute to a suitable position. This
might be true since it is a great way to make the business
function properly and gain profits, but employing strangers based on CVs can also
have the same effects or even better than just keep
them in the family.
Wrong verb form
keeping
According to
this
writer's viewpoint, it
must acknowledge running a family Correct pronoun usage
one
company
can cause financial burden. It is undeniable that many family members
have sympathy for others, there will be no blame if an individual makes mistakes but instead
forgiveness. Over time, these sympathetic acts will be the root of the habit of laziness, in other words
, this
individual will no longer care about the business
and not fully doing
his or her job and Wrong verb form
do
make
the Verb problem
apply
company
will be weakened a lot. As a consequence
, bankruptcy is unavoidable.
In conclusion, the domestic violence and financial burden are far more significant than the well-managed company
. Hence
, this
essay has given clear points to demonstrate the author's opinion about family-run businesses.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from better organization and logical flow. Transitions between ideas can be smoother. Consider using connectives like 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', 'On the other hand', etc., to clearly link paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Be more careful with your word choice and sentence structure to ensure the text is free from awkward phrasing. For instance, 'this writer' should be changed to 'I' for clarity and formal tone.
task achievement
The essay addresses both points of view on the topic and offers a clear opinion, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
Including a specific example, like the reference to the 'Kitchen Nightmare' show, adds depth and relevance to your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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