The Government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead .To what extent do you agree with the statements?

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Some people state that the
government
Use synonyms
's funding
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
is completely useless and
prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
to use the money for public
services
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instead
Linking Words
. I
am strongly oppose
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am strongly opposed
show examples
to the statement and I will explain it in the next following paragraphs.
Arts
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does not need to be portrayed as a waste of money, because
arts
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is
Verb problem
do
show examples
not completely oppose the public
services
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in a country or
city
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.
Arts
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, music, and theatre can be integrated
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other public
services
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,
such
Linking Words
as education and health.
Arts
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in education has been viewed as a positive
things
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thing
show examples
by many teachers and educators
,
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apply
show examples
because by using
arts
Use synonyms
learning
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
more
interested
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
for children and will exercise them to develop creative thinking.
In addition
Linking Words
to that,
arts
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are
also
Linking Words
useful as a form of therapy for patients with mental
disorder
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disorders
show examples
. Many studies stated that
arts
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can help these patients to be more calm and ease their anxiety. By funding in
arts
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,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
can
also
Linking Words
help and develop other public
services
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.
Moreover
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,
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government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
investment in
arts
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can
also
Linking Words
increase the
city
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or country's revenue. Many types of
arts
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,
such
Linking Words
as painting, music, and theatre are usually enjoyed in the form of
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
. When
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
fully support the artists and
exhibition
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exhibitions
show examples
through their
fundings
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funding
show examples
, it will
gives
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give
show examples
them more opportunities to attract visitors and perhaps investors to come to their
city
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. So,
invesments
Correct your spelling
investments
investment
in
arts
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
beneficial for the
government
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itself. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
is not something useless and a waste of money because
arts
Use synonyms
can be integrated
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
other public
services
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
as education and health. It
also
Linking Words
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
more opportunities for the
city
Use synonyms
or country to increase their revenue through
arts
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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introduction conclusion
Introduction needs to be clearer and include a thesis statement outlining what will be discussed. For example, 'This essay will discuss how investments in arts can benefit education and mental health, and how it can increase government revenue.'
logical structure
Improve logical flow between points. Use linking phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'Furthermore.'
relevant specific examples
Add more relevant and specific examples to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mention a country or city where arts funding has positively impacted public services and revenue.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
supported main points
Main points are clearly presented and supported with some details.
complete response
The essay addresses multiple dimensions of the topic, including education, mental health, and economic benefits.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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