IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You recently had some items shipped to you from overseas. Upon receiving the shipment you found that some things were damaged in transit. Write a letter to the manager of the shipping company. In your letter Provide the details of your shipment Describe the damage Say what actions you want the company to take

#items #shipment #transit #manager #company #damage #actions
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Dear manager, I would like to write a letter to you to lend cost , my scholar, I hope
this
 letter
find
Change the verb form
finds
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 you good healthy and I need your help to
approve
Verb problem
clarify
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 what I mean. Recently I got a warning from my college because I can not pay my obligation to my education and I absolutely need a lot of money to settle arrears. My name is Ansory from Nusa Tenggara Barat, my college at the University of Mataram. I have a problem with my education. I can't continue
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 because I have a problem with finances and my campus has
announce
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announced
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 me to pay
full
Change preposition
in full
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all
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for all
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 areas. I hope your company can give me a loan to surmount my problem, I get information at a social media bank that can help other people who have trouble
at
Change preposition
apply
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financially. I will deposit Rp.300.000 per month . thank you so much for your attention. I looking forward to hearing from you soon. Best Regard, Ansory
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task achievement
Ensure you are addressing the correct recipient and matching the content of your letter to the purpose described in the prompt.
task achievement
Maintain a formal tone throughout the letter as this is a professional communication.
coherence cohesion
Organize your letter into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect (e.g., shipment details, description of damage, requested actions).
greeting and closing
You used a proper salutation and closing, which enhanced the overall structure of your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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