IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? What other measures do you think might be effective?

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In recent years, environmental and public problems have increased in the world
due to
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 extreme urbanization. A rising number of
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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 in cities leads to controversy about how to solve problems that cause vehicles,
such
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 as traffic, air, or noise pollution. Some people offered to increase the price of gasoline to tackle these difficulties.
This
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 essay will discuss other effective moments for
this
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 problem.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the beginning, I agree with individuals who want to extend the cost of gasoline. In my opinion, some percentage of citizens will prefer public transport if the price of fuel is increased. It leads to a decreased number of private cars, which can lead to fewer emissions.
For instance
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, in China in 2019, the price of fuel increased by 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, and only rich individuals could drive cars.
This
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 situation improved the condition of the atmosphere, which was polluted with greenhouse effects.
Thus
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, nowadays the percentage of traffic is lower than it was, and China has become a less polluted country than others.
On the other hand
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, the government has to create a law about the limits of using vehicles, and inhabitants should
also
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 be responsible for
this
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 issue. They should switch to eco-friendly transport
such
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 as electric bikes.
For example
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,
Correct article usage
the Japanese
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Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
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 chose eco-friendly cars in 2010; nowadays, Japan is one of the least polluted countries in the world. In conclusion, it is important to tackle pollution and traffic problems. The government and individuals should act together to find solutions to these difficulties.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction sets a clear path for the essay. While you mention 'other effective moments,' make sure to specifically state that the essay will discuss both the agreement/disagreement with the statement and other measures to solve traffic and pollution problems.
task achievement
Develop your paragraphs further. Elaborate on why public transportation and eco-friendly vehicles are viable solutions, providing additional examples and data if possible.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay with more defined points. Use linking phrases and transitions to provide seamless connections between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Simplify argument presentation by avoiding overcomplicating sentences. Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main thesis with adequate evidence.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay into an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good practice.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, such as the case of China and Japan, which enhance the credibility of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discourage
  • Incentivize
  • Alternative energy
  • Public transportation
  • Lower-income
  • Carpool
  • Ride-sharing
  • Congestion
  • Urban planning
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Tax incentives
  • Electric and hybrid vehicles
  • Emissions standards
  • Cleaner vehicles
  • Congestion charges
  • Bicycle lanes
  • Sustainable
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