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Band 5

Should people claim that fastfood should be made more expensive to help reduce obesity. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #fastfood #obesity
Increasing the price of
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
fast-food
 is claimed as a potential solution for the reduction of obesity.
This
 writer disapproves of
this
 suggestion owing to the different motivations for consuming fast
food
 apart from the price among consumers. It must be acknowledged that buyers are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of fast
food
 owing to the conveniences in the hectic life regardless of the extravagant prices. To explain
further
, people these days have pulled all-nighters
as well as
 early birds in order that they complete all the given assignments on time,
as a result
, they are inclined to fast
food
 as quick meals saving their time for the overwhelming workloads.
Therefore
, imposing
taxation
 on these junk foods is not likely to impact consumers eating habits. Another worth consideration is that higher
taxation
 on fast
food
 mainly provokes the poor rather than the upper classes. To gain
further
 insights, people having higher status in society still can adapt to the high prices of fast
food
, contrastingly for the poor, they may assume cooking proper meals at home so as to reduce the financial burden.
As a consequence
, applying high
taxation
 on these junk foods would not work in all corners of the community.
Thus
, there is still obesity
presents
Replace the word
present
show examples
 among residents.
To sum
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 briefly, reducing obesity by upgrading the
taxation
 can not work comprehensively owing to the consumers eating habits
along with
 the ability of junk
food
 payment varied among classes.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on making the transitions between ideas smoother to enhance overall coherence.
task achievement
While you have addressed the topic and presented a viewpoint, ensure that your arguments are consistently supported with specific examples and more detailed explanations.
task achievement
To make your essay more comprehensive, try to elaborate on your ideas with more depth and provide clear reasons and evidence for each point you make.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor language errors and awkward phrasing. Proofreading your work can help reduce these issues and improve clarity.
structure
The essay has a clear structure and presents a clear stance on the issue.
supporting points
You have provided relevant points to support your argument, which is good.
framing
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the topic and summarize your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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