IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the number of animals and is decreasing. Why do you think this is happening? How this issue can be solved?

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The biodiversity of many nations' ecosystems around the world
have
Change the verb form
has

The plural verb have does not appear to agree with the singular subject biodiversity. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 faced alarming damages as the number of animals and plants has experienced rapid reductions. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb would. Consider changing it.

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 evaluate some of the potential causes that lead to the manifestation of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
problem
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 before proposing some measures that could effectively reduce its severity. There are some major reasons that lead to the
problem
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of having the number of animals and plants reduced. To clarify, in the past, humanity and the ecosystems could live harmoniously together as their demand for food was limited
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the small size of the population.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, as the population expands rapidly, the demand for food becomes excessively high, leading to the alteration of
natural
Add an article
the natural

The noun phrase natural environment seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 environment in order to make agriculture possible.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the diminution of many plants and species is inevitable, causing multiple issues for the sustainable development of our planet. Despite the severity of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 environmental catastrophe, there are some applicable solutions that can be employed to address it effectively. It is self-evident that the culprit of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
problem
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is
from
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the uncontrollable expansion of agricultural activities.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, each citizen must be aware of the reduction in the number of flora and fauna to cut down on their unnecessary consumption of refreshments.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the government has to take
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 issues
like
Change preposition
as

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 deforestation and illegal hunting seriously.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the ecosystems will
renovate
Wrong verb form
be renovated

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb renovate. Consider changing it.

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 to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 original appearance when all these measures can be incorporated simultaneously. In conclusion, the
problem
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of losing biodiversity has been haunting many nations around the world.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 has
caused
Add a missing verb
been caused

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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 by humans' agricultural activities
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 increased population sizes,
hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, an effective measure should start at the transformation of these activities, making them more sustainable and less pervasive to the environment.

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task and identifies the main causes and potential solutions for the decline in animal and plant numbers. However, the response could benefit from more specific examples to better illustrate the points made.
task achievement
The ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, but some sentences are awkwardly phrased and could be expressed more clearly. For instance, "Thus, the diminution of many plants and species is inevitable" could be stated more simply and clearly.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure and flows reasonably well, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, using transition words such as 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' etc., can help connect paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear focus, which helps in maintaining coherence. However, the essay could further benefit from better linkage between the body paragraphs. Moving from discussing causes to solutions can be done more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good framework for the essay. However, the introduction could be slightly more engaging, and the conclusion could briefly summarize the key points made in the essay.
task achievement
The main points are generally supported, but more specific examples or statistical data would enhance the argument. For instance, mentioning specific cases of deforestation or successful examples of governmental intervention would be beneficial.
task achievement
The response addresses the task effectively by identifying causes and proposing solutions, thus demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-aligned, framing the essay adequately and providing closure.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear focus within each paragraph, aiding in coherence and allowing the reader to follow the writer's line of thought.
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