IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#bar #line #temperatures #suit #sales #york #first #months #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The following graph illustrates the
temperature
Use synonyms
 in New York from January to
June
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 2012
along with
Linking Words
 the sales of bathing suits.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest total revenue earned from selling bathing suites occurred in April, meanwhile the lowest was in
June
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Conversely
Add a comma
Conversely,
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 with the lowest revenue, the highest average
temperature
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 occurred in
June
Use synonyms
. In detail, the income yielded
during
Change preposition
from
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 January to March gradually increased from 100
dollars
Use synonyms
 to 150
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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. It almost doubled in April, recorded at about 290
dollars
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. But there was an abrupt drop in May which accounted
under
Change preposition
for under
show examples
 100
dollars
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 revenue continued to plunge to nearly 20
dollars
Use synonyms
 in
June
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was an upward trend
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 average monthly temperatures. The coolest
temperature
Use synonyms
 was in February, recorded at 30 Fahrenheit and the warmest was in
June
Use synonyms
, approximately 65 Fahrenheit. The correlation
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
temperature
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bathing suit sales was in line from January to April.
However
Linking Words
, it did not follow the previous pattern in May and
June
Use synonyms
. The
temperature
Use synonyms
 for the
last
Linking Words
 two months
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the highest
instead
Linking Words
.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, june, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average monthly temperatures
  • bathing suit sales
  • correlation
  • monthly breakdown
  • significant changes
  • warmest months
  • speculate
  • trends
  • increase in temperature
  • contrasting
  • predictive speculation
  • general trends
  • specific months
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