Nowadays, some people are changing their way of look through hair colour, cosmetics and even plastic surgerie. What are the reasons? Is it a good thing?
Some people are trying to look good by doing plastic surgeries or even changing their hair colour
in
these days. I totally disagree for two main reasons and in Change preposition
apply
this
essay
I will outline my reasons.
first of all, Beauty is seen differently by other countries and cultures, so If your hair is black some cultures may like it and Add a comma
essay,
other
do not. so you should not change your hair Fix the agreement mistake
others
color
to Change the spelling
colour
appera
prettier. Correct your spelling
appear
for example
, some individuals may change their appearance to got
positive comments from others which is totally wrong.
On the Wrong verb form
get
on
hand, the Correct your spelling
one
compnaies
convinced ladies that they Correct your spelling
companies
need
cosmetic products and they really Wrong verb form
needed
succeed
. Even Wrong verb form
succeeded
that
women do not really need Correct word choice
though
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
but
they continue to purchase Correct word choice
apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
beacuse
of media Correct your spelling
because
an
Correct your spelling
and
tv
that are telling them to Correct your spelling
TV
puy
Correct your spelling
buy
it
to look pretty.
Correct pronoun usage
them
On the other hand
, some of the reasons why some do plastic surgeries Add a missing verb
is beacuse
beacuse
they lack Correct your spelling
because
of
confidence, Remove the preposition
apply
Therefore
, they do these procedures to fulfill
that lack. Change the spelling
fulfil
For instance
, if some people did not like their nose
they might go to the plastic surgeon Fix the agreement mistake
noses
instead
of accepting the way they look .
In conclusion, I thing
people should always accept the way they look and stop chasing the beauty standards Correct your spelling
think
that
made by media and cosmetic producers.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by abdullahnawaf_511 on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by clearly dividing your paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. For example, a paragraph solely for media influence and another for confidence issues.
coherence cohesion
Use higher-level cohesion devices to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly (e.g., Moreover, Consequently).
coherence cohesion
Avoid inconsistencies such as 'on the on hand.' Ensure transitions are logical and appropriate.
task achievement
Provide more specific and diverse examples to justify your points. For instance, mention statistics or studies influencing individuals' decision to undergo plastic surgery.
task achievement
Be more comprehensive in addressing the question. While stating your disagreement is crucial, objectively presenting other possible viewpoints and then refuting them could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
In the conclusion, summarize your main points more effectively and restate your overall position clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the issue and provides a clear stance. The conclusion also effectively wraps up the writer’s opinion.
task achievement
The language used is fairly clear and easy to understand. There is a good attempt to use examples, even if they could be more specific.
coherence cohesion
Some key points about media influence and societal norms are reasonably well developed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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