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Band 3

The proccess diagram details the steps by which liquid chocolate is produced from cocoa beans.

#proccess #steps #chocolate #cocoa #beans
The process diagram provides information about how liquid chocolate is made from
cocoa
beans
step
 by
step
.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 producing
this
 kind of chocolate contains 10
steps
 from harvesting it to
coverting
Correct your spelling
converting
covering
into
Correct pronoun usage
it into
show examples
 liquid at the
last
step
. More than half of the
steps
occure
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occur
occurs
 outside the company and
Correct article usage
the remaing
show examples
remaing
Correct your spelling
remaining
 parts
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happening inside the firm.
Firstly
, we can find
cocoa
beans
 mostly in South America, Africa and Indonesia. After finding it, white
cocoa
beans
 are harvested from pods in the
cocoa
 tree and at the third
step
,
then
 these
beans
 are fermented. In the next three
steps
, these
beans
 are
spreaded
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spread
show examples
 in
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
show examples
 to dry and immediately after it,
beans
 are transported by train or lorry in large sacks to a specific factory and continuing
steps
 are
happend
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happened
happens
 inside the firm. Inside the factory,
beans
 are roasted
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 350
celisios
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celsius
delicious
 for a specific time.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
step
 after giving heat to
beans
 is
sperating
Correct your spelling
separating
 them from their shells.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
last
 sector of
this
 process, crushed
beans
 take part in a machine which converts solid ones to liquid
beans
 by pressing them.
Submitted by Sarlakehsan79 on

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Introduction
The introduction is clear but can be slightly expanded to provide more context about the production process.
Conclusion
A stronger conclusion would enhance cohesion and give a more rounded overview of the process.
Grammar
Be careful with some minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes (e.g., "spreaded" should be "spread" and "celisios" should be "Celsius").
Varied Sentences
Ensure varied sentence structures to keep the text engaging.
Clarity
The overall process and key steps are clearly described.
Logical Structure
The usage of sequence markers like 'Firstly', 'In the next step', etc., significantly enhances the logical structure.
Relevant Information
Relevant details about the external and internal steps are effectively covered.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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