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Band 4.5

people get information easier online without paying much. Do the advantages outweigh the Disadvages?

#people #information #disadvages
People have more chances to approach copyrighted
products
 with lower payments.
Although
 it might be mentioned as bringing risks to technological security, the benefits of
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 protection
couple
Wrong verb form
coupled
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 with easier accessibility outweigh the aforementioned drawback. When it comes to the benefits of
dowloading
Correct your spelling
downloading
 materials online, it
is helps
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 the habitats of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wildlife. To put it simply, if consumers prefer using digital
version
Fix the agreement mistake
versions
show examples
 rather than paper-based on as it is convenient to possess high-quality
products
 by
touch
Wrong verb form
touching
show examples
 the
sceen
Correct your spelling
screen
scene
, the wood chopped down for paper production is reduced.
Due to
 the
technolody
Correct your spelling
technological
 development, everyone has the tendency to download
album
Fix the agreement mistake
albums
show examples
 of music or e-books, making the green space of locals
stays
Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
show examples
 in stable condition, which is the prime example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 trend. Another advantage of
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
possible
Correct word choice
able
show examples
 to get copyrighted books and music on the Internet is anyone can keep up with equal knowledge easier
tha
Correct your spelling
than
 before. To be specific, students usually do not have much money on their
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
 but the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning materials is enormous.
As a result
, with the support of
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
, through the screen, they study from different resources
suit
Correct pronoun usage
that suit
show examples
 their studying styles. Take
Cambrigde
Correct your spelling
Cambridge
 as an example when
this
 university not only
publicize
Correct subject-verb agreement
publicizes
show examples
 a paper version but
also
 numerous PDF files for
Ielts
Correct your spelling
IELTS
show examples
 learners to choose
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
 Some
concren
Correct your spelling
concern
 that during the process of accessing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
copyrighted
products
, people may get hacked. Clearly,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some websites, hackers apply toxic codes
connect
Fix the infinitive
to connect
show examples
 to their computer system.
Consequently
,
just
Change preposition
with just
show examples
 one click on those links, all personal information on online pages will
then
 immediately
send
Wrong verb form
be sent
show examples
 to cybercriminals.
However
,
this
 can be tackled by users
enhance
Fix the infinitive
to enhance
show examples
 the awareness of
being stole
Wrong verb form
stolen
show examples
 information over
days
Correct article usage
the days
show examples
.
Therefore
, residents will have a healthy environment to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
standard
products
.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay contains repetitive phrases that could be polished. For instance, the phrase, 'through the screen,' is somewhat redundant. Try to vary your language to make the essay more engaging. For example, use phrases like 'through digital means' or 'via online platforms.' This will help to keep the reader's interest and avoid redundancy.
task achievement
There are multiple grammar and spelling mistakes. For instance, 'downloading materials online, it is helps maintaining' should be corrected to 'downloading materials online helps in maintaining,' and 'by touch the sceen' should be corrected to 'by touching the screen.' Proofread your essay to minimize these errors.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, such as the Cambridge University example, which help to substantiate your points.
task achievement
Your main points are generally clear and easily understandable. This is good for ensuring the reader follows your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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