1. Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary times, there exists a paramount emphasis on the important level of school
subjects
, eliciting a plethora of debates on
this
topic. Several individuals think that
history
is one of the most important school
subjects
,
however
, others believe that, in today's world,
history
is not as crucial as
subjects
involving
science
and
technology
. Personally, in
this
essay, I would like to discuss both sides before giving my opinion. On the one hand,
it is clear that
not only does
history
help
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
to know about their original
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
show examples
, but it
also
is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
best way to pass down culture from
generation
to
generation
.
As a result
,
this
contibute
Correct your spelling
contributes
to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
their patriotism and protecting their culture.
For example
, I studied historical
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
during my schoolhood. Thanking that, I
comprehand
Correct your spelling
comprehend
that building nation process of my ancestor is
extreme
Change the adjective
extremely
show examples
hard and I am
pround
Correct your spelling
proud
of my nation and the national
heros
Correct your spelling
heroes
hero
who dedicated their whole life for our country.
Therefore
, I am aware of protecting
valuable
Correct article usage
the valuable
show examples
culture
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
they left.
On the other hand
, people
also
claim that, in the technological era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects
such
as
technology
and
science
are more vital than historical
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
because all
espects
Correct your spelling
aspects
of our life from working to leisure
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
involving
Wrong verb form
involve
show examples
thechnology
Correct your spelling
technology
and
science
.
Thus
, they like a
madatory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
knowledge for people to catch up
rhythm
Add an article
the rhythm
show examples
of modern life.
For instance
,
nowsaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
, teachers need to know how to use
technology
to serve
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their teaching because
Add an article
the black
show examples
black board
Correct your spelling
blackboard
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
been
show examples
altered
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
electric
Add an article
the electric
show examples
board, and books
is replace
Change the verb form
is replaced
show examples
by computers. Or workers who
also
need
know
Fix the infinitive
to know
show examples
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
to operate automatic machines. In conclusion,
although
both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that
history
,
technology
and
science
subjects
are equally important because
history
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
inner
Correct article usage
the inner
show examples
of
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
generation
,
additionally
,
technology
and sciences like ideal means to develop that
generation
.
Finally
, each subject
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
important role
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
individuas
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
as well as
society.
Submitted by writingeilts on

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task response
To improve task response, make sure to present your opinion more clearly at the beginning and end of the essay. You stated your intention to provide an opinion in the introduction but did not specify what it would be, which might make it less impactful.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your paragraphs flow smoothly with more effective use of linking words and phrases. For instance, using phrases like 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'In addition' can help in connecting your ideas better.
task response
Work on grammatical accuracy and word choice. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'resident', 'contibute', 'comprehand', which should be corrected to improve clarity and precision in your writing.
task response
The essay provides a well-rounded discussion by covering both views on the topic and includes relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in giving the essay a complete structure.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with appropriate examples which add value to your arguments.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Historical perspective
  • Analytical skills
  • Contextual understanding
  • Technological advancements
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • Innovation
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Job market
  • Climate crisis
  • Cultural identity
  • Critical thinking
  • Humanities
  • Contemporary issues
  • Integration
  • Tech-savvy
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