IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some places old age is valued, while in the other cultures youth is considered more important.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #cultures #youth
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that some religions value old
people
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 different cultures state that the younger generation is the priority.
This
Linking Words
 author agrees that younger
people
Use synonyms
 should be prior more than older
people
Use synonyms
 and will demonstrate why throughout the essay. Specifically, most of the workforce nowadays are young workers.As young
people
Use synonyms
 are usually more healthy and active ,many cultures throughout the world admire their skills and passion.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , youngsters help benefit the country they serve and build a better living environment.
However
Linking Words
 , when most youngsters are immature and inexperienced,they tend to symbolize the fragile
innocent
Replace the word
innocence
show examples
 of society.
Subsequently
Linking Words
 , wiser elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in some of the countries are looked up to by many individuals.They give advice and lead the young generation to a better lifestyle.It is
also
Linking Words
 believed that the affection elderly
people
Use synonyms
 get in their retirement is for their dedication and hard work during their youth.
To sum up
Linking Words
 ,
while
Linking Words
 older
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be more experienced and worth the affection more than younger
people
Use synonyms
 , it is undeniable that the young generation is
also
Linking Words
 being valued as they are the main workforce of their country
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

overall
To enhance your essay, remember to avoid sentences that are too long and complex. Simple, clear sentences often communicate your points more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention particular countries or cultures that prioritize youth or value the elderly.
coherence cohesion
Take care to vary your sentence structures to maintain reader interest and improve overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion reiterates key points and is more definitive in presenting your opinion. This strengthens the task response and coherence of your essay.
overall
You have a clear structure with a distinct introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your argument presenting both views is logically developed and easy to follow.
overall
You effectively outline your stance in the introduction and follow through in the subsequent paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: