IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that Olympics Games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympics is a waste of money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

It is a common belief that
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
Olympics
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympic
show examples
Games
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a waste of money and they feel better when
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
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 money on other things will have more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
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 that
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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Olympics
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympic
show examples
Games
Use synonyms
 will bring other
countries
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 together rather than the ideas of some residents
feel
Correct pronoun usage
who feel
show examples
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money to do things related to the
competition
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. Nowadays, the
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Olympics
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympic
show examples
Games
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 a big common around the world and
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
winning it will bring
respects
Fix the agreement mistake
respect
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 other
countries
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 to
their
Change the word
other
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countries
Use synonyms
.
That
Correct determiner usage
Games
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games
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of
Change preposition
in
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 many
countries
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organize
Wrong verb form
are organised
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 for
talent
Replace the word
talented
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people
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, so not only exciting events
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 is the
competition
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 very difficult for
people
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 who take part in it. If
people
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 in
country
Add an article
the country
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 win
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
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games
Use synonyms
, they will bring
many respects
Fix the agreement mistake
much respect
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,
Correct word choice
and admire
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admire
Replace the word
admiration
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves to
proud
Replace the word
pride
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
nations
Correct article usage
the nations
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 together. Yet
people
Use synonyms
 who enjoy it will spend a lot of time themselves
for
Change preposition
apply
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training every day until begin
Olympics
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games
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. When they win the
competition
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, other
people
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 in the world will admire them and
also
Linking Words
 help their country develop
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
international relationships.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the opponents of my idea typically state that
this
Linking Words
 event
cover
Change the verb form
covers
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 an extreme number of finance for
constructing
Replace the word
construction
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such
Linking Words
 as football stadiums, badminton courts, swimming pools, etc.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
 event had enormous one-off projects used in the
Use synonyms
Olympics
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympic
show examples
Games
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, causing a detrimental case of long-term debt,
although
Linking Words
 they know it
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a purposed
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purposed
Replace the word
purpose
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toward
Change preposition
for
show examples
social
Replace the word
society
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.
Instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, some
people
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 want the government to invest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 building projects and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of residents.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
Olympics
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympic
show examples
Games
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 help progress and bring many opportunities for diplomatic relations of participating
countries
Use synonyms
. That’s because,
this
Linking Words
competition
Use synonyms
 is a prize which is for all
people
Use synonyms
 from other
countries
Use synonyms
, so it will set up relations of all
countries
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
competition
Use synonyms
 can help bring many benefits for
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 about respectability and many diplomatic relations
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other
countries
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is crucial to observe the massive opposition from the residents,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in order to prevent unpredictable conflicts.

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring your ideas are clearly organized, and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and logical progression. Use topic sentences for better coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the points you will discuss, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Make sure each point is supported by clear, relevant evidence or examples.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas comprehensively. Some ideas in the current essay are too general or vague, lacking depth.
task achievement
You have addressed both views in the essay, which shows a good understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion and introduction are present, summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to link sentences and ideas together, showing a basic understanding of coherence and cohesion principles.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global platform
  • sportsmanship
  • mutual respect
  • cultural exchange
  • global community
  • national pride
  • unifying force
  • economic benefits
  • tourism
  • job creation
  • infrastructure development
  • financial burden
  • venues
  • logistics
  • debt
  • opportunity costs
  • sustainable benefits
  • temporary benefits
  • underutilized
  • long-term value
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