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Band 5

Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems association.

#people #language #communication #outweigh #association
It is thought that a new international
language
 should be created.
This
 author thinks that the advantages of
convenience
 and opportunities for young people outweigh the loss of culture. The first thing to mention is the
convenience
 of
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
 a standardized global
language
. Indeed, there will be no
language
 barrier,
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 of
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 countries can communicate more efficiently.
Moreover
, the general
language
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
development in import and export
due to
 the
convenience
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 communicating.
According to
this
, the economy will
developed
Change the verb form
be developed
develop
show examples
 in every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 and the standard of life
is
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 improved. The second major benefit of investing
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
new international
language
 is the increase in the opportunities of young people. Nowadays, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 studying abroad of students is
increasingly
Add an article
an increasingly
show examples
 high chance for
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
 students will improve if there is a new international
language
. The visa to travel abroad will be cheaper and easier to gain.
On the other hand
, the loss of culture is a big drawback of
this
 innovation.
Language
 is a crucial part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 every culture of
ethnic
Replace the word
ethnicity
show examples
 or country, it represents
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the face of
country
Add an article
the country
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, the greatest invention of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 in
this
 nation.
Furthermore
, every
ethnic
Replace the word
ethnicity
show examples
 has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own
language
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the vocabulary more diverse because of the variety of
feature
Fix the agreement mistake
features
show examples
 of each country.
Therefore
, the
language
 of each
ethnic
Replace the word
ethnicity
show examples
 will not be in use and forgotten in the future. By a large, thanks to the
convenience
 in daily life,
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
 and the opportunities for young generations, the disadvantages of cultural
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 are unconsiderable.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides both advantages and disadvantages, but you should elaborate more on each point with relevant, specific examples. This will help to make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and transitions between paragraphs should be smooth to ensure coherence.
coherence cohesion
Although you have an introduction and a conclusion, they could be more robust. Your introduction should succinctly introduce the topic and outline the structure of your essay, while your conclusion should clearly restate your main argument and summarize the key points.
writing quality
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. For instance, 'the convenience of create' should be 'the convenience of creating,' and 'the language of each ethnic' should be 'the language of each ethnicity.' Working on grammar and sentence structure will enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good attempt to cover both sides of the argument, addressing both the benefits and the drawbacks of creating a new international language.
task achievement
You have some original and relevant ideas, such as the potential economic benefits and the impact on young people's opportunities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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