In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.
In many nations,
life
span of Add an article
the life
people
is longer than in the past. Some people
say there are problems for the government
if countries have a dramatic increase in the proportion of people
aged 60 and over. Others say if increase in ageing populations, there will have
benefits. I hold the belief that the drawbacks of Verb problem
be
this
development are far more significant than the benefits involved.
When people
live longer , several problems can anticipated. First of all, is
an increased demand for health and social care. Correct pronoun usage
there is
In other words
, it asks the government
to devote a larger budget to health care in other to serve the growing demands of an ageing population
. Hence
, investing more in healthcare for the elderly can put heavy pressure on government
budgets. As a result
, the government
cannot invest in different aspects that have benefits for their country. This
is true in Japan, the investment in healthcare for elderly
quadrupled for the working-age Correct article usage
the elderly
population
. These things may have a bad impact on the economy of Japan.
The other drawback is a possible decline in labour
force with a rapidly ageing Correct article usage
the labour
population
, there will be fewer people
in the workforce. This
leads to an economy with less storage of qualified workers. Hence
, businesses may face various consequences such
as decreased efficiency, higher labor costs and even reduce
competitiveness in the international market.
Wrong verb form
reduced
However
, in reality, the ageing population
can bring advantages such
as free experiments and good training for young
generation. The elderly live longer so they experience many things than young Correct article usage
the young
people
, which means some of their knowledge is valuable and younger can learn from this
to avoid some risks in life.
In conclusion, the disadvantages of the rising ageing population
outweigh their advantages because it puts pressure on government
budget and causes a lack of Correct article usage
the government
qualitied
workers.Correct your spelling
qualified
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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a complete response, but the arguments could be more fully developed. Consider adding more specific examples and elaborating on points made.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, it could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea that is clearly linked to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to proofread your essay for minor grammar and vocabulary errors. Although these do not significantly impact understanding, polishing these can help improve your overall score.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
supported main points
The main points are relevant to the task and supported by examples, which demonstrates a good level of understanding of the topic.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...