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Band 5.5

When ask to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#life #work #time #people
It is believed that the majority of
people
 choose not to
work
 rather than
work
. I disagree with
this
 statement as
people
 are willing to
work
 for their passion and
also
 for socializing demands.
People
 who go to
work
 indeed depend on their passion more than the means of earning money. Indeed, all occupations are designed to be challenging and tricky, these factors are guaranteed as the incentives for workers in choosing their jobs.
Moreover
, others choose occupations based on their potential and instincts, so working is an effective means to promote
people
's development and enhance their abilities. For these reasons, working has an essential role in workers' lives as it is presented as their passion and motivation to develop. Working
also
 creates an intimate bond between
people
 including partnership and friendship. It must be acknowledged that
people
 cannot live comfortably without those relationships, so workplaces are reasonable places to bring
people
 together. At the workplace,
people
 are required to
work
 in conjunction with their partners to complete tasks,
this
 facilitates them to connect and form relationships.
Also
, communicating with other
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 at
work
 can effectively improve mood and relieve
stress
Add an article
the stress
show examples
 of
people
 via sharing their thoughts and expressions. By doing so, working can blend relationships between
people
 and
also
 help them to feel better. On balance, many
people
, more often than not, prefer a life without
work
 to working. I strongly disagree with
this
 assertion as working serves
people
 with various benefits.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear central idea and avoid any repetitive content. Try to provide more concrete examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Work on improving the introduction to more clearly state your position. Additionally, aim to elaborate on some of your points with concrete details or examples.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and consistently supports this position throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
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