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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the type of media that people of differnt age groups used to get daily newsw in one country in 2011

#type #media #people #differnt #age #groups #newsw #country
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The given bar chart compares the usage of three different media that were chosen by
people
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 to get annual news in the same country during 2011. In general,
people
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 in all
age
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groups
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 preferred the
radio
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 except for the 10-
17
Correct your spelling
17-year-old
years
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 old
group
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,which is keen on social networking . It can
also
Linking Words
 be seen that the least popular mode for daily news throughout
age
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groups
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 was microblogging. With regards to the two youngest
age
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groups
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 , 80% of
people
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 in both
10
Correct article usage
the 10
show examples
-17 and 18-29
age
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groups
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 preferred social networking to access the news . In terms of 10-17-year-oldyears
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
groups
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 ,the
radio
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's figure halved in less than social networking 's data and microblogging made up exactly 20% of the chosen. Moving onto the 18-29
age
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group
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,
while
Linking Words
 over 90% of
people
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 were keen on
radio
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, microblogging was chosen by just over 25% of
people
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..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 Turning to the remaining
age
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groups
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 , the percentage of
people
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 who chose social networking was between 85 to 90 for
people
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 from 30
years
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 old to over 65
years
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 old . Meanwhile , nearly 20% , 15% and exactly 10% of
people
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 in the 30-49 , 50-64 and over 65
age
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Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 chose
microblogging
Change the verb form
to microblog
show examples
, respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, half of
people
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 from 30 to 49
years
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 old preferred
radio
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 , and more than the 50-64
age
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group
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's data 10%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
people
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 who were keen on the
radio
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 in
groups
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 over 65
years
Use synonyms
 old just made up around 25%.
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task achievement
Ensure that numerical data presented in the essay is double-checked for accuracy to avoid confusion and maintain clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on the structure of the paragraphs to make the progression of ideas clearer; try to link ideas smoothly from one to another using transitional words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed in the essay for better cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant specific examples to support the main points, which adds clarity and detail to the explanations.
task achievement
The main ideas and the trends highlighted are clear, providing a comprehensive overview of the data presented in the chart.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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