IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

the type of media that people of differnt age groups used to get daily newsw in one country in 2011

#type #media #people #differnt #age #groups #newsw #country
The given bar chart compares the usage of three different media that were chosen by
people
 to get annual news in the same country during 2011. In general,
people
 in all
age
groups
 preferred the
radio
 except for the 10-
17
Correct your spelling
17-year-old
years
 old
group
,which is keen on social networking . It can
also
 be seen that the least popular mode for daily news throughout
age
groups
 was microblogging. With regards to the two youngest
age
groups
 , 80% of
people
 in both
10
Correct article usage
the 10
show examples
-17 and 18-29
age
groups
 preferred social networking to access the news . In terms of 10-17-year-oldyears
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
groups
 ,the
radio
's figure halved in less than social networking 's data and microblogging made up exactly 20% of the chosen. Moving onto the 18-29
age
group
,
while
 over 90% of
people
 were keen on
radio
, microblogging was chosen by just over 25% of
people
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 Turning to the remaining
age
groups
 , the percentage of
people
 who chose social networking was between 85 to 90 for
people
 from 30
years
 old to over 65
years
 old . Meanwhile , nearly 20% , 15% and exactly 10% of
people
 in the 30-49 , 50-64 and over 65
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 chose
microblogging
Change the verb form
to microblog
show examples
, respectively.
Additionally
, half of
people
 from 30 to 49
years
 old preferred
radio
 , and more than the 50-64
age
group
's data 10%.
Finally
,
people
 who were keen on the
radio
 in
groups
 over 65
years
 old just made up around 25%.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that numerical data presented in the essay is double-checked for accuracy to avoid confusion and maintain clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on the structure of the paragraphs to make the progression of ideas clearer; try to link ideas smoothly from one to another using transitional words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed in the essay for better cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant specific examples to support the main points, which adds clarity and detail to the explanations.
task achievement
The main ideas and the trends highlighted are clear, providing a comprehensive overview of the data presented in the chart.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: