IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Write a report with this question: The bar chart shows the types of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011.

Write a report with this question: The bar chart shows the types of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011.
#report #bar #media #people #age #groups #news #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the changes in the ages of
individuals
Use synonyms
 who
use
Use synonyms
 daily news in an unidentified country as of 2011. Generally, it is evident that the percentage of people aged 10 to over 65 who
use
Use synonyms
 microblogging is unpopular,
while
Linking Words
radio
Add an article
the radio
show examples
 is
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 by both young and old.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the frequency of social media usage decreases across
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Initially
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
individuals
Use synonyms
 aged 10 to 29 account for 80% of the population in
this
Linking Words
 country, the 18-29
age
Use synonyms
 group comprises just over 90% of people who
use
Use synonyms
 radio, which is 2.25 times the proportion of teenagers using the same device.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they solely account for around 20% of short bloggers within the 10-29
age
Use synonyms
 group. Moving on to the percentage of
individuals
Use synonyms
 aged 30-65, it can be observed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online community usage among those aged 30-49 gradually declines by 10% across different
age
Use synonyms
 groups. Despite the fact that the 30-49
age
Use synonyms
 group to the elderly collectively account for about 90% of the population in
this
Linking Words
 country,
individuals
Use synonyms
 aged 30-49 represent approximately 20% of mini-post users,
while
Linking Words
 15% and 10% of microblogging users belong to
individuals
Use synonyms
 aged 50-64 and the elderly, respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, the figure of cyber connection participants stands at exactly 40%, which is double the proportion of people aged above 65 who
use
Use synonyms
 the same equipment.
Submitted by bsphongplg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words individuals, use, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: