IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working for most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Many people believe that if they were to
give
Wrong verb form
be given
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 an opportunity to choose between working or not, they would no doubt choose to let their hair down. The writers agree that the majority of humankind will opt for the second choice
due to
Linking Words
 excessive workload and potential mental illnesses
arise
Correct pronoun usage
that arise
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 in the modern era. It must be acknowledged that people in today’s society tend to work endlessly
as a result
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 of an absurd amount of tasks and deadlines given by their bosses. In order to confront
with
Change preposition
apply
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those missions in due course, they are left with no choice but to increase their work time and push their bodies to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 limit daily. If
this
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 phenomenon continues for a long period, their bodies will collapse under high pressure and end up in critical conditions,
such
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 as cancers and strokes.
This
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 is the
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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 why the
mortal
Replace the word
mortality
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 rate in
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 population has increased recently. Another point to consider is insomnia, it is evident that sleep
deprived
Replace the word
deprivation
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also
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
unstable
Correct article usage
an unstable
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 mentality among
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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 because their brains
are
Verb problem
do
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 not rest properly,
therefore
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 patients will experience
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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negative emotions,
for instance
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,
short-tempered
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as short-tempered
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, depression and anxiety.
Moreover
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, the feelings of
solitary
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solitude
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 and fatigue
also
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promote
Verb problem
cause
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 those emotions to grow bigger and stronger
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
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, posing a risk
on
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to
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 one’s reputation and
images
Fix the agreement mistake
image
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 in their peers’ eyes.
Hence
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, a delay in having treatment will leave behind irreversible consequences to their families and surroundings. Taking all points into conclusion, negative emotions and
overwhelming
Correct article usage
an overwhelming
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 workload are the primary factors why people seek not to work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is advisable that governments should implement policies related to these problems, thereby, providing conducive environments to workers.

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task achievement
The essay satisfactorily addresses the task by discussing both excessive workload and mental health issues as reasons why people might prefer not to work. Increasing the depth of your explanations and incorporating more specific examples could enhance your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally logical and easy to follow; however, some sentences and ideas could be clearer. Ensure your transitions between points are smooth, and avoid run-on sentences to improve overall readability.
task achievement
Make sure to expand on each point with more detailed examples and evidence to make your arguments stronger. This will help your essay appear more comprehensive and well-researched.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure.
task achievement
Your points on excessive workload and mental health issues are relevant and contribute to persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
You have a concise and clear introduction which sets the context effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
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