Task 2: When asked to choose between a life without work and working for most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many people believe that if they were to
give
an opportunity to choose between working or not, they would no doubt choose to let their hair down. The writers agree that the majority of humankind will opt for the second choice Wrong verb form
be given
due to
excessive workload and potential mental illnesses arise
in the modern era.
It must be acknowledged that people in today’s society tend to work endlessly Correct pronoun usage
that arise
as a result
of an absurd amount of tasks and deadlines given by their bosses. In order to confront with
those missions in due course, they are left with no choice but to increase their work time and push their bodies to Change preposition
apply
its
limit daily. If Correct pronoun usage
their
this
phenomenon continues for a long period, their bodies will collapse under high pressure and end up in critical conditions, such
as cancers and strokes. This
is the reasons
why the Fix the agreement mistake
reason
mortal
rate in Replace the word
mortality
human
population has increased recently.
Another point to consider is insomnia, it is evident that sleep Correct article usage
the human
deprived
Replace the word
deprivation
also
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
unstable
mentality among Correct article usage
an unstable
workforce
because their brains Correct article usage
the workforce
are
not rest properly, Verb problem
do
therefore
patients will experience such
negative emotions, Correct quantifier usage
apply
for instance
, short-tempered
, depression and anxiety. Change preposition
as short-tempered
Moreover
, the feelings of solitary
and fatigue Replace the word
solitude
also
promote
those emotions to grow bigger and stronger Verb problem
cause
overtime
, posing a risk Correct your spelling
over time
on
one’s reputation and Change preposition
to
images
in their peers’ eyes. Fix the agreement mistake
image
Hence
, a delay in having treatment will leave behind irreversible consequences to their families and surroundings.
Taking all points into conclusion, negative emotions and overwhelming
workload are the primary factors why people seek not to work. Correct article usage
an overwhelming
Therefore
, it is advisable that governments should implement policies related to these problems, thereby, providing conducive environments to workers.Submitted by [email protected]
on
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task achievement
The essay satisfactorily addresses the task by discussing both excessive workload and mental health issues as reasons why people might prefer not to work. Increasing the depth of your explanations and incorporating more specific examples could enhance your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally logical and easy to follow; however, some sentences and ideas could be clearer. Ensure your transitions between points are smooth, and avoid run-on sentences to improve overall readability.
task achievement
Make sure to expand on each point with more detailed examples and evidence to make your arguments stronger. This will help your essay appear more comprehensive and well-researched.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure.
task achievement
Your points on excessive workload and mental health issues are relevant and contribute to persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
You have a concise and clear introduction which sets the context effectively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?