IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympics is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #olympic #games #events #nations #olympics #waste #money
It is considered that
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
 games bring more opportunities for the government to bridge the gap with other countries,
while
 some individuals
attend
Verb problem
agree
show examples
 that that money should be used in the other way. The writer holds a belief that both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 has their own perk and
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 some main reasons to explain.
To begin
 with the advantages of
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
 games,
this
 activity can enhance the relationship among different nations, improving not only the commercial but
also
 the tourism of our country. To explain
this
 point, celebrating an occasion that almost
residents
Correct determiner usage
all residents
show examples
 have a chance to communicate and explore more about foreign cultures and traditions, creating conditions to introduce
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unique charms or break-taking scenery of our nation and drawing attention from the amount of tourists
come
Wrong verb form
coming
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 to
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
.
For example
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreigners have good impressions
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Vietnam, a huge number of visitors will enjoy their holidays in
this
 country and buy souvenirs as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
present
Fix the agreement mistake
presents
show examples
 for their relatives, supporting us in developing our
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
.
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task achievement
In the introduction, make sure to clearly state both views before giving your opinion to ensure the reader understands the structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Using more linking phrases can help make your paragraphs more connected and easier to follow.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are well-supported with specific and relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic, and you've made a good effort to address both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and an ability to express ideas clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Promotes global unity
  • Cultural exchange
  • Economic benefits
  • Job creation
  • Tourism
  • Infrastructure
  • Active lifestyle
  • Financial undertaking
  • Economic burden
  • Underutilization
  • Wasted resources
  • White elephants
  • Opportunity cost
  • Critical areas
  • Social welfare
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