IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement.

#people #waste #homes #governments #requirement
The first pie
chart
 illustrates the proportion of consuming
energy
 by Australian households, and the
second
 one depicts the greenhouse gas pollution
due to
 using
this
energy
.
Overall
, the vast majority part of the first pie
chart
 belongs to heating and the
second
 item is dedicated to
water
 heating. In the
second
 figure, most people mainly use
water
 heating which causes greenhouse gas emissions,
whereas
 cooling is the lowest value. It can be seen that heating with 42% is the highest proportion within those items.
Water
 heating with 30% is the
second
-used
energy
 in the pie
chart
. Cooling with 2% is the lowest amount of
energy
that is
 used by individuals. By looking at the
second
chart
, again
water
 heating with 32% is the most usable
energy
 by Australian households. People use other applications to cause greenhouse gas emissions.
This
 item with 28% is the
second
 level. Respectively, heating and Refrigeration with 15% and 14% are the next energies that the people used.
Also
, cooling is the lowest amount in comparison with other energies with only 3%.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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coherence cohesion
Try to include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure your introduction is more informative by briefly stating what the charts show and what your essay will cover.
supported main points
While your comparison of data points is mostly clear, ensure that you round off with a conclusive summary of the most critical insights across both charts.
complete response
To improve task achievement, provide a brief analysis of why certain energy uses result in more greenhouse gas emissions, e.g., water heating being essential for everyday activities.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are generally clear, work on being more concise and avoiding repetitive statements to enhance comprehension.
relevant specific examples
Integrate specific data points into your analysis to add credibility and relevance. For instance, explain the implications of heating accounting for 42% of energy consumption.
supported main points
You effectively compared the figures and provided an overall summary in the beginning.
supported main points
Your identification of the highest and lowest values in both charts was accurate and clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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