IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays people normally stretch their working hours and get stressed than before. What are the reasons for this? What employers can do to make people's life easier?

#people #stretch #hours #employers #life
Employees these days tend to clock up their overtime and work longer than in the past which in turn affects their mental health directly
such
 as stress. In
this
 essay, reasons for
this
 notion and solutions by employers will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are several causes why individuals need to stretch their working hours and one of the most significant is that they have more tasks and responsibilities. To explain in greater detail, employers in
this
 contemporary time tend to hire fewer staff compared to the previous years and
thus
 their employees need to work harder.
Furthermore
, a number of tasks have to meet their deadlines, making workers stay in offices or companies longer and finish all of them. An apt illustration of
this
 is that my
company
 already laid some people off because they need to reduce costs and
therefore
 I need to handle and cope with my
ex-colleagues'
Correct your spelling
ex-colleagues
 projects by working longer and
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
 that they will meet their deadline in the next month. On the other side of the coin, there are plenty of ways that employers can help and make their employees' lives easier and the most crucial one is
perks
. To elaborate
further
, these things can be considered as rewards in order to boost workers' morale and motivate them to put their efforts into jobs.
Moreover
,
perks
also
 improve employee recognition as they are the ones who contribute and bring organisations to a promising future. To specifically demonstrate, one of my friends who works
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Honda told me that his
company
 gave the
last
 year bonus for 10 months which encouraged him to put more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 into his job.
In addition
, he decided that he would work in the
company
 until he retired since they always take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good care of them and give them better
perks
 every year.
At the end
 of the day, there are a lot of causes why citizens need to stretch their working hours;
as a result
, organisations should pitch in and cope with
this
 matter to make their people's lives better
such
 as
giving
Change preposition
by giving
show examples
 them
perks
 to increase morale and showing that they are an uppermost factor of the
company
.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and reducing repetition. For instance, instead of repeating 'perks,' you could use synonyms such as 'incentives' or 'benefits.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using transitional phrases can help to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
While your essay addresses the question effectively, adding more specific details and examples can provide greater depth and support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively identified and explained the reasons for increased working hours and have provided solutions that employers can implement. This shows a thorough understanding of the task.
task achievement
The use of personal examples adds credibility and relatability to your essay, making your arguments more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stretching working hours
  • increased competition
  • economic pressures
  • job insecurity
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
  • mental health support
  • stress management workshops
  • telecommuting
  • blurred boundaries
  • globalized world
  • advent of mobile devices
  • daily stress of commuting
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