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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think watching television is bad for children in every way other belive it is good for devolping children as they grow up discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #television #children #belive
In the present world tel developing constantly on the rise. we can see
itas
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
apowerful
Correct your spelling
a powerful
powerful
 tool so people use it every single day become a part of our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,Even
television
 is coorpated in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we noticed offspring relying on
television
 has become a new common habit.
Therefore
 we will analyse the advised
idea
 and the misadvice
idea
 of the offspring developing before giving a reasoned conclusion.
First,
television
 is good for
attractive
Replace the word
attracting
show examples
 children to keep they are on the effective
idea
 to learn knowledge.
For instance
, children are hard to sit down for a long time to learn.
Thus
,
television
 is a good
idea
 to let them stay
focusing
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on learning,
as well as
television
 can make the whole
processing
Replace the word
process
show examples
 of
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
fun and attractive.In
oder
Correct your spelling
order
 that as we can see
television
 is a powerful tool to let offspring
while
 they are learning can make the whole
prossing
Correct your spelling
processing
 be fun so it is significant for developing offspring as they grow up.
secondly
,
television
also
 can be a nightmare for offspring because we can not make sure every second we produce offspring good night to avoid adult context.
For example
,
television
 can connect to the internet.
thus
 we can see a thousand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adult
context
Fix the agreement mistake
contexts
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
,on top of that as a party can we make sure we draw a line
to spare
Verb problem
apply
show examples
between offspring and toxic context? basically,
that is
 very
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
attractive. In conclusion,we can see both sides of the opinion on those factors.
However
, after
analysed
Wrong verb form
analysing
show examples
 both sides.it is clear we can not avoid offspring teaching toxic
adudit
Correct your spelling
audit
 content.In
this
idea
 obserly the disadvise factors are much more than
advised
Correct article usage
the advised
show examples
 factors,in because of
this
television
 is bad for offspring.
Submitted by kelvin03133 on

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coherence
To improve clarity, ensure each sentence is grammatically correct and clear. Avoid run-on sentences and break complex ideas into simpler ones.
task response
Strengthen your main points with more specific examples and explanations. For instance, elaborate on how television helps in making learning fun with particular programs or methods.
coherence
Focus on avoiding spelling and typographical errors, such as 'tel' instead of 'television' and 'oder' instead of 'order.' Careful proofreading before submission can help.
coherence
Ensure that your paragraphs are logically structured, with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
task response
You've covered both views on the topic and gave your own opinion, which is a good approach as per the task requirements.
task response
You've identified some key concerns about television being both beneficial and detrimental to children, which provides a balanced perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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