Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models #behavior #field #influence

While

some people argue that

athletes

serve as positive role models who

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

inspire youngsters to become better versions, others think that

athletes

' behaviour can

effect

Verb problem

apply

show examples

negatively on their own lives. Personally, I totally believe that sports professionals are of great benefit to the general public. On the one hand, it is undeniable that professional

athletes

can

Add a missing verb

be expert

show examples

expert

Fix the agreement mistake

experts

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

society

due to

their behaviour.

In other words

, the appearance of information about competitors can have a detrimental effect on their fans' thinking.

For example

multi

Correct word choice

multiple

show examples

scandals about using drugs, alcohol, or even violence from the

athletes

can make the wrong messages to the

individuals

As a result

, they may follow these mainstreams and may have

risk

Fix the agreement mistake

risks

show examples

harmful

Change preposition

of harmful

show examples

illnesses

such

as cancer,heart disease, or liver damage.

Furthermore

, if the

athletes

do extreme sports without protective gear, unprofessional people can imitate their activities in order to challenge themselves,

however

, it is really

effortlessly

Change the word

effortless

show examples

to get in trouble about their physical health.

On the other hand

, professional competitors are often regarded as a role model for

individuals

. Their personal traits can help youngsters to push past obstacles and

achive

Correct your spelling

achieve

greatness.

Moreover

, those

individuals

may get a sense of

cherishment

Correct your spelling

cherished

about the value of work, dedication, and even the quality of efforts.

For instance

, Anh Vien, a Vietnamese swimmer, has contributed to Vietnam many valuable prizes because of her spirit. Even her fitness routine can inspire a healthy

lifestlye

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

in youth, and

also

boost development to make dream comes true.

Thereafter

, young generations can follow the model lifestyles of their favourite

athletes

and enhance themselves to be good

individuals

in the future. After considering both perspectives, I firmly believe that professional

athletes

' behaviour can bring various advantages for young generations

due to

the deeper understanding

gaining

Wrong verb form

gained

show examples

from their preferences and activities

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Mon Jun 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence

Ensure that your ideas are clearly developed and logically organized to improve coherence. For instance, using more transition words and phrases can help. For example, clinical terms or professional jargon (e.g., 'detrimental impact' instead of 'bad influence').

task achievement

To improve task response, ensure that your key points are elaborated with thorough explanations and relevant examples. This will make your argument more compelling and comprehensive.

coherence and cohesion

Be careful with small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'have risk harmful illnesses' should be 'are at risk of harmful illnesses.' Revising these can enhance the overall readability of your essay.

introduction and conclusion

Your introduction is clear and provides a good overview of both perspectives.

supported main points

Relevant examples, like the mention of Anh Vien, effectively support your arguments and illustrate your points clearly.

introduction and conclusion

The conclusion effectively wraps up your essay by reaffirming your main argument. This gives a strong ending, summarizing your thoughts well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

297 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

role model
determination
discipline
work ethic
community service
charitable activities
poor behavior
unsportsmanlike conduct
media scrutiny
public perception
materialism
physical and mental health issues
impressionable youth
high levels
pursuing sports
positive influence
negative influence

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
A museum near your home is looking for people to do part-time voluntary/unpaid work. You would like to do some voluntary/unpaid work at the museum.** Write a letter to the museum director to apply for the voluntary/ unpaid work.** In your letter, - explain why you want to do voluntary/unpaid work at the museum - describe some skills and qualities you have that would be useful - give details of when you would be available for work Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,
I have listened that our museum is looking for volunteers for all kinds of work.
6
band
You work for international company and you need time off to attent a family celebration.Write a letter to company's manager.In your letter: Give details of celebration Explain why you need time off Suggest a way to have your work done during that time.
I am writing this letter to you to request one-week vacation starting from April 1, 2024, ending on April 8, 2024, due to the marriage of my younger sister , which is going to be held at the Palace, Chicago. We have already booked this place for the whole week to conduct all the functions here.
<4
band
In many cities around the world, traffic is serious problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to improve the situation?
Traffic jams in big cities are an increasing problem throughout the world. Some believe this caused by human activity instead of natural reasons. It is agreed that traffic has gained momentum over the last decade and some measures must be implemented. This essay will shed some light on the issue and provide plausible solution to resolve the same.
6.5
band
Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the increasing rate of using virtual applications, making online friends is dramatically increasing day by day. Although making friends through social media is becoming fantastically common these days, it could not be that touchable in comparison with friendship that is in the real world. In this essay, we will specifically scrutinise the pivotal benefits of face-to-face relationships such as having the opportunity to go out together and the synergic effect of close relationships rather than finding friends on the internet which could not be that satisfying.
5.5
band
Some people say that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environment pollution . To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's digital era, there are some new technological devices in order to serve the individual’s daily life. Otherwise, these benefits cause some problems, which cause a rise in illness and disease ratio, which is prevented by governments in many countries by concentrating on reducing pollution and the greenhouse effect. In this essay, I totally agree with this statement.

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

You work for international company and you need time off to attent a family celebration.Write a letter to company's manager.In your letter: Give details of celebration Explain why you need time off Suggest a way to have your work done during that time.

In many cities around the world, traffic is serious problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to improve the situation?

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environment pollution . To what extent do you agree or disagree?