IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organizations. Why might this be the case ? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed ?

#people #work #company #organizations #be #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, workers prefer to be
self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for a company or organisation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
Add an article
the cause
show examples
cause
Change the form of the verb
causes
show examples
 of people’s
prefers
Replace the word
preferences
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 what
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be disadvantages of being self-employed. People prefer to
self-employed
Add a missing verb
be self-employed
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in a company or organization because they don’t want to
work
Use synonyms
 tied to a workplace or under the boss. The boss’ behaviours are too bad
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employees. They behave like a slave. The salary which
given
Add a missing verb
is given
show examples
 to
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 is too low but they
work
Use synonyms
 a
lot
Use synonyms
. Their working conditions are very difficult and tiring. They
work
Use synonyms
 too long hours in a day but they can’t earn enough money. For these reasons, people want to set up one’s own business.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can
work
Use synonyms
 on human conditions. Of course, there are some disadvantages in that
decided
Replace the word
decision
show examples
. If workers want to
being
Change the verb
be
show examples
 self-employed, they will have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of responsibilities.
Manage to
Wrong verb form
Managing
show examples
 a workplace
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 easy. A person who
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to be a boss,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 financial information and experience. There is
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
 of
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 a loss sometimes. A boss should be bellicose because self-employed has a
lot
Use synonyms
 of difficulties. If a person
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have many
acquaintance
Change to a plural noun
acquaintances
show examples
, it is so risky.
Self-employed
Add a missing verb
Being self-employed
show examples
 is very
mantally
Correct your spelling
mentally
 exhausting. Sometimes have to
more
Add a missing verb
do more
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 than big companies or
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
. To put it
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
nutshell, there are many workers who want to
being
Change the verb
be
show examples
 self-employed and there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of causes
that
Change preposition
for that
show examples
 situation. Self-employed has some disadvantages and difficulties. Everyone can’t create a new job.
Submitted by svdnruslu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay could benefit from clearer and more comprehensive ideas, ensuring they are well-explained and detailed.
task achievement
Using more specific and relevant examples would strengthen the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure needs improvement to ensure that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should be more elaborate, with the introduction clearly outlining what will be discussed and the conclusion summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Supporting main points with additional details and elaborations would improve the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response by addressing both prompts: reasons for self-employment and its disadvantages.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the task, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: