IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, some
people
Use synonyms
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that
fashion
Use synonyms
 accessories are very expensive. other
people
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 claim that
this
Linking Words
 is acceptable because
fashion
Use synonyms
 is a very necessary part of life. in my point of view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think I agree with both opinions.
Initially
Linking Words
,
Clothes
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 made
from
Change preposition
by
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 famous
fashion
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brands
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 will be more expensive than other
clothes
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. Many famous
clothes
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brands
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 always want to create
a
Correct article usage
apply
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unique and different from the popular
clothes
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 so they will choose special patterns to design
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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complete
clothes
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 so the
price
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 increases
is
Change the verb form
are
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 normal.
for instance
Linking Words
,
luis vuitton
Correct your spelling
Louis Vuitton
 uses
special
Add an article
a special
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 logo to print on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shirt
Fix the agreement mistake
shirts
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 to make the
clothes
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 more
eye -catching
Correct your spelling
eye-catching
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, which helps the company increase the
price
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 of the item because it attracts many buyers.
in addition
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, Material is
also
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 the cause of
clothes
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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go
Wrong verb form
going
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 up.
People
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 want
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shirt
Fix the agreement mistake
shirts
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 not only beautiful but
also
Linking Words
 durable so
fashion
Use synonyms
brands
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 must meet their needs by using quality materials.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
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 example, the
Use synonyms
brands
Fix the agreement mistake
brand
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lacoste
Change the capitalization
Lacoste
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 uses crocodile skin to make
very
Add an article
a very
the very
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 beautiful wallet.
However
Linking Words
, Some
people
Use synonyms
 feel dissatisfied because the
price
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 of big
brands
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 is too expensive. They wish to be able to own some
clothes
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 they find beautiful but the
price
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 of that outfit prevented them from buying it and they thought that the clothing company should drop to the
price
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 more appropriate.
Overall
Linking Words
, an expensive outfit depends on the material and the difference compared to other clothing
brands
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. But some
clothes
Use synonyms
 are still virtual prices compared to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 real
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
, so I agree with two view

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task achievement
Your essay would be enhanced by providing more balanced coverage of both views. Delving a bit deeper into the second argument will create a more comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical and punctuation errors that affect the readability of your essay. Paying attention to these details will improve your writing.
coherence cohesion
To achieve a clearer structure, ensure each main idea is discussed in its own paragraph and is fully developed with supporting details.
task achievement
You have provided some relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
task achievement
Your essay shows a clear effort to present both sides of the argument, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic gap
  • impractical consumer behavior
  • overspending
  • accumulation of debt
  • materialism
  • superficial values
  • self-esteem
  • self-expression
  • psychological benefits
  • social benefits
  • quality of materials
  • craftsmanship
  • sustainable practices
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