IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays people normally stretch their working hours and get stressed than before. What are the reasons for this? What employers can do to make people's life easier?

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Employees
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
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 less pressure in working until recently,
where
Correct word choice
when
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 the working duration
has
Verb problem
was
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 prolonged. The origins of
this
Linking Words
 circumstance seek to stem from two causes,
while
Linking Words
 several remedies appear to be practically implemented by employers.
Initially
Linking Words
, the first underlying factor is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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inflation, leading to the
increasement
Correct your spelling
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, to fulfil
Use synonyms
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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, they are required to
work
Use synonyms
 overtime, because, in some cases, they receive some
intensives
Correct your spelling
incentives
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 for working on extra hours. These perks and bonuses tend to be useful to support their life and become a meaningful motivation to
work
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, companies in Indonesia are obliged to pay extra money for those who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 overtime.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the competition in
career
Correct article usage
the career
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 world is becoming more intensive;
thus
Linking Words
, workforces are
endeavour
Correct your spelling
endeavouring
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 to perform better, qualitatively and quantitatively.
This
Linking Words
 kind of competition appears to put
a
Remove the article
apply
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quite significant pressure on the
workers
Use synonyms
 in order to maintain their
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
, or even to get a promotion. One example can be seen in Japan, where the employees are very competitive and the
stress
Use synonyms
 rate is quite high. In
orded
Correct your spelling
order
 to ease employees', job providers can provide
more
Add an article
a more
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 flexible working environment to maintain their
work
Use synonyms
/life balance. Creating an enjoyable environment, ranging from providing leisure places to decent
cafetaria
Correct your spelling
cafeteria
, seems to be effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 because they are able to take a rest in the middle of working. An example can be seen in one study which has approved that short
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
 can efficiently decrease someone's anxiety and
stress
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
a physcological
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physcological
Correct your spelling
psychological
physiological
 centre in a company seems to be advisable.
This
Linking Words
 place can offer
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
professional care for their
workers
Use synonyms
, so they have a safe place to talk and get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper treatment for their conditions. In summary,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lifestyles demand and job competition
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 main origins of
workers
Use synonyms
'
stress
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, companies should offer
a comfortable working areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
comfortable working areas
a comfortable working area
show examples
 and professional mental healthcare to help their
workers
Use synonyms
.

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grammar vocabulary
Work on refining grammar and vocabulary usage to avoid small inaccuracies, such as 'increasement' instead of 'increase' and 'intensives' instead of 'incentives.' Also, ensure consistency in spelling, like 'orded' should be 'order' and 'phycological' should be 'psychological.'
task achievement
Consider expanding on the solutions provided, and delve deeper into how these measures can effectively reduce stress and improve work-life balance.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence. Use transition words and phrases to link ideas more smoothly.
introduction conclusion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
supported main points
Supported main points with relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in Indonesia and Japan.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • stretching working hours
  • increased competition
  • economic pressures
  • job insecurity
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
  • mental health support
  • stress management workshops
  • telecommuting
  • blurred boundaries
  • globalized world
  • advent of mobile devices
  • daily stress of commuting
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