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Band 5

Nowadays people normally stretch their working hours and get stressed than before. What are the reasons for this? What employers can do to make people's life easier?

#people #stretch #hours #employers #life
Employees
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
show examples
 less pressure in working until recently,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the working duration
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 prolonged. The origins of
this
 circumstance seek to stem from two causes,
while
 several remedies appear to be practically implemented by employers.
Initially
, the first underlying factor is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation, leading to the
increasement
Correct your spelling
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Thus
, to fulfil
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
, they are required to
work
 overtime, because, in some cases, they receive some
intensives
Correct your spelling
incentives
show examples
 for working on extra hours. These perks and bonuses tend to be useful to support their life and become a meaningful motivation to
work
.
For instance
, companies in Indonesia are obliged to pay extra money for those who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to
work
 overtime.
Furthermore
, the competition in
career
Correct article usage
the career
show examples
 world is becoming more intensive;
thus
, workforces are
endeavour
Correct your spelling
endeavouring
show examples
 to perform better, qualitatively and quantitatively.
This
 kind of competition appears to put
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
quite significant pressure on the
workers
 in order to maintain their
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
, or even to get a promotion. One example can be seen in Japan, where the employees are very competitive and the
stress
 rate is quite high. In
orded
Correct your spelling
order
 to ease employees', job providers can provide
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 flexible working environment to maintain their
work
/life balance. Creating an enjoyable environment, ranging from providing leisure places to decent
cafetaria
Correct your spelling
cafeteria
, seems to be effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 because they are able to take a rest in the middle of working. An example can be seen in one study which has approved that short
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
 can efficiently decrease someone's anxiety and
stress
.
Finally
,
Correct article usage
a physcological
show examples
physcological
Correct your spelling
psychological
physiological
 centre in a company seems to be advisable.
This
 place can offer
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
professional care for their
workers
, so they have a safe place to talk and get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper treatment for their conditions. In summary,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lifestyles demand and job competition
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 main origins of
workers
'
stress
.
Hence
, companies should offer
a comfortable working areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
comfortable working areas
a comfortable working area
show examples
 and professional mental healthcare to help their
workers
.
Submitted by usedtobesomeoneyoulove on

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grammar vocabulary
Work on refining grammar and vocabulary usage to avoid small inaccuracies, such as 'increasement' instead of 'increase' and 'intensives' instead of 'incentives.' Also, ensure consistency in spelling, like 'orded' should be 'order' and 'phycological' should be 'psychological.'
task achievement
Consider expanding on the solutions provided, and delve deeper into how these measures can effectively reduce stress and improve work-life balance.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence. Use transition words and phrases to link ideas more smoothly.
introduction conclusion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
supported main points
Supported main points with relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in Indonesia and Japan.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • stretching working hours
  • increased competition
  • economic pressures
  • job insecurity
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
  • mental health support
  • stress management workshops
  • telecommuting
  • blurred boundaries
  • globalized world
  • advent of mobile devices
  • daily stress of commuting
What to do next:
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