IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvatages?

#say #majority #employees #home #workplace #disadvatages
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Six years ago,
people
Use synonyms
 lived in the old era where they worked every day by travelling to
physical
Add an article
a physical
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 office, but now after COVID-19, a lot of
people
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 find it convenient to
work
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 from
home
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.
This
Linking Words
 situation has many advantages over taking a journey to a workplace every day.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the advantages
work
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 from
home
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 is reduced costs, all the
people
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 spend a lot of money on the cost of the journey,
therefore
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 they are unable to save much money for their future. but now, when they do their job from
home
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, they can save a lot of money for necessities in their lives.
For instance
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, they are able to purchase many pieces of equipment to complete their
home
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such
Linking Words
 as
a new furniture
Remove the article
new furniture
a piece of new furniture
an item of new furniture
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 or new things that they want.
Besides
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, by reducing the cost of the journey, they can prepare for the future life of their children when their son or daughter enters in new step in education.
In addition
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,
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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work
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 from
home
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, they never afraid to come late for their
work
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 because impossible to meet with traffic
jamp
Correct your spelling
jams
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. They can enjoy their daily activity without worrying about reduced salaries when they come late to their office.
People
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 are
also
Linking Words
 able to do other workhouses during theirs do
work
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 because staying at
home
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, when they
work
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 in front of a device and their brother or parents need some help, they can do it immediately and leave their job for may time without disturbing another employee because they
work
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 in houses with each other.
This
Linking Words
 condition never they met if they still
work
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 in a physical office. In conclusion, the advantages of working from
home
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 outweigh of disadvantages because
this
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has many positive impacts on employees, like to be explained above,
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the employees gain more convenience and have a big impact on their future lives, especially on their families.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task achievement
You have presented a complete response and covered the main points, but ensure to elaborate on your ideas more comprehensively to enhance clarity. For instance, explain specific examples in greater detail and connect them explicitly to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, work on making smoother transitions between ideas and sections to improve flow and coherence. Additionally, varied sentence structure can aid in maintaining reader interest.
grammar
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings present. Revise your essay to eliminate these errors for a more polished presentation. For example, replace 'they are able to purchase many pieces of equipment to complete their home' with 'they can purchase various items they need for their home.'
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the advantages of working from home, with relevant points such as cost savings and avoiding traffic, which makes for a convincing argument about the benefits.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well. The points are logically organized, providing a coherent reading experience.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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