The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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While

Linking Words

it is widely claimed that the use of electronic devices like smartphones is considered as antisocial as smoking, others argue that

similar

Correct article usage

a similar

show examples

prohibition policy of smoking in certain

Use synonyms

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

should be applied to mobile

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

similar

Change the article

a similar

show examples

way. The reasons why I believe mobile

usages

Fix the agreement mistake

usage

show examples

antisocial

Correct article usage

an antisocial

show examples

acts

Fix the agreement mistake

act

show examples

and agree with

about

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apply

show examples

banning it like the aforementioned statement will be elaborated on in

this

Linking Words

essay.

To begin

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with, it may

seems

Change the verb form

seem

show examples

sensible for some to believe that an antisocial vibe projected from those who

using

Change the form of the verb

use

show examples

mobile

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

indifferent

with

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show examples

smoking.

This

Linking Words

is possibly because they created the same activity of being isolated from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. To simply explain, when smoking

peoples

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

often isolate themselves in a private

area

Use synonyms

similar

Correct word choice

and similar

show examples

approach

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approaches

show examples

were

adapted

Correct your spelling

adopted

show examples

with

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show examples

the same manner

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show examples

mobile

phone

Use synonyms

users nowadays. In

this

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respect, it is noticeable that nowadays people often use mobile

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

whenever they have a chance

due to

Linking Words

numerous aspects whether to kill time or to avoid awkwardness.

For example

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, it is often seen that

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

time

Add an article

the time

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when groups of friends meet up in

restaurant

Fix the agreement mistake

restaurants

show examples

were scrolling and looking at

small

Add an article

the small

a small

show examples

screen the whole time and rarely speak with each other.

This

Linking Words

is why people agree that

this

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can be a sign of antisocial activity that we unwittingly

realized

Wrong verb form

realise

show examples

However

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, I personally argue in favour of banning mobile

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

in some

Use synonyms

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

seeing that it could promote beneficial effects

such

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as proper Face to Face communication.

Besides

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from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

general events and places where mobile phones are known to be restricted like in the theatre and meeting room, the prohibition of

this

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device should apply in other

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

such

Linking Words

as restaurants where its aim is to eat, drink, and talk rather than just look down on the screen without talking with each other. In summary,

although

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it is undeniable that mobile

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

could be an act of antisocial as several people claimed, I am of the opinion that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

banning

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

in some

Use synonyms

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

in order to create a better relationship among the

peoples

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

Submitted by kamonluck1999 on Tue Jun 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clarity and precision in expressing your arguments. For example, rephrase the opening sentence for better clarity: 'While some people consider the use of smartphones to be as antisocial as smoking, others argue that similar restrictions should apply to mobile phones.'

task achievement

Develop your supporting points with more detailed examples and evidence. This would strengthen your argument and improve task achievement. For instance, provide specific studies or statistics that illustrate how mobile phone usage impacts social interactions.

lexical resource

Work on improving grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage to convey sophistication and clarity in your writing. For example, instead of 'it may seems sensible,' write 'it may seem sensible'.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing structure to your arguments.

task achievement

The main points are relevant to the task and offer a critical perspective on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

antisocial
social interactions
negative impacts
banning
regulated
completely banned
education
awareness campaigns
responsible
mobile phone use

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Include an introduction and conclusion

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might be this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation? Write atleast 250 words

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It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sportsperson or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.