Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the arts (eg. music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an opinion
argueing
that the investment of governments should be put more Correct your spelling
arguing
in
Change preposition
into
services
which serve communities than in artistic activities. The author completely approves of this
view and the essay will give Correct article usage
an explaination
explaination
in Correct your spelling
explanation
explanations
details
.
In modern society, the demand Fix the agreement mistake
detail
of
life quality is increasing constantly, Change preposition
for
therefore
, developing public services
become more and more necessary to meet people's desire
. The worldwide economic enhancement requires individuals to improve many aspects including food, health, education, transportation and even travelling in some particular areas. Fix the agreement mistake
desires
Moreover
, all of those innovations in public services
cost a large amount of money which is provided by governments. For instance
, although
there is too much money needed to produce or import hospital facilities, their benefits are worthwhile because nowadays, the use of industrial food causes a lot of new health problems which can only be realized by up-to-date appliances. Similarly
, the increasing population also
relates to some issues like lack
of schools for Correct article usage
the lack
young
generation, so the government urgently invests in constructing educational institutions and employing Add an article
the young
high-leveled
teachers in order to enhance the whole society.
Correct your spelling
high-level
Besides
, despite the fact that arts play a crucial rolein
every Correct your spelling
role in
cultures
and Fix the agreement mistake
culture
lifestyles
, it has never been prioritized as social Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
services
. The main reason that can be offered is that the steady of society which is contributed to by community services
' development is the most vital basis for artistic creativities. With the situation of poverty, diseases, and social evils existing everywhere, a pretty song or a colourful masterpiece would become useless.
In conclusion, I suppose that governments should consider public services
, not arts
, a priority to spend money on. Correct article usage
the arts
This
will lead to a number of advantages for both personal and social purposes in the future.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While you have effectively conveyed your standpoint and addressed the essay prompt, providing additional specific examples can enhance the credibility of your argument. Consider including more diverse and concrete examples to demystify your points. For instance, mentioning a specific country’s successful public health programs due to government funding could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the link between your main points more strongly to improve logical structure. Attempt to use more transitional phrases such as 'moreover,' 'however,' and 'therefore' to achieve a seamless flow. This change will not only boost the coherence of your writing but will also help the reader follow your train of thought more effortlessly. Additionally, make sure each paragraph clearly links back to your main thesis.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the context and clearly states your viewpoint, providing a strong foundation for your essay. This is effective in immediately letting the readers know what your stance will be.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly wraps up your arguments and reiterates your standpoint, which provides a clear sense of closure to your essay. This effectively emphasizes your main point and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
complete response
You have successfully covered different aspects of public services—health, education, transportation—which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic and a thorough response to the essay prompt.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay demonstrates clear and comprehensive ideas, and your explanation on why public services should be prioritized over arts is logically sound.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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