When aksed to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is argued that some
people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that they prefer a life without
work
rather than working all the time.
This
essay disagrees with
this
viewpoint and will now set out some examples of the benefits of working to support that reasoning. It is vital to understand that working most of the time is one of the most effective ways to move up the career ladder.
People
prefer to have a steady job and set daily
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
.
Moreover
, a friendly working environment is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential to be enjoyable. In working, you can have supportive
work
colleagus
Correct your spelling
colleagues
colleague
to build strong
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
and enjoy the challenge of a heavy workload.
For example
, many UK companies ensure that standards of health and safety in the workplace and observed to employees have made life easier. Another point to consider is that choosing not to
work
is one of the ways to
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
people
feel comfortable.
As a result
, overwork may sometimes result in mental health problems,
such
as anxiety and depression.
Besides
, others find too much
work
very stressful. Many young
people
enjoy the excitement of a profession to the
boring
Replace the word
boredom
show examples
of a desk job. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, in Vietnam, some
people
do something else which they enjoy
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
when they not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work
. In conclusion, working all the time has a both positive and negative effect on their life. It depends on individuals how to do it effectively.
This
writer has been shown the benefits of working to overshadow.

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task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Try to tie examples directly to the points you are making.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is easily understandable. Some sentences could be more clearly related to the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and word choice to enhance clarity. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased and can be made more concise.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt comprehensively; discuss both sides if relevant.
coherence cohesion
Revise your conclusion to make it clearer and more aligned with the arguments presented. A strong conclusion summarizes key points effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both the merits and drawbacks of working most of the time.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the essay topic and viewpoint clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
What to do next:
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