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Band 5.5

TASK 2: WHEN ASKED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A LIFE WITHOUT WORK AND WORKING MOST OF THE TIME, PEOPLE WOULD ALWAYS CHOOSE NOT TO WORK. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

#life #work #time #people
To choose between a
life
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have to
work
 and a
life
demands
Correct pronoun usage
that demands
show examples
 everyone to
work
 most of the
time
, there is a majority of people who want to live a
life
 with no production.
However
,
this
 writer believes that humans need to be hard-working every day
due to
 its
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 in financial enhancement and
work
promotion
. It is vital to understand that if human live a hard-working
life
 they can easily improve their finance. It is true that when
crowd
Correct article usage
a crowd
show examples
 produce in a long term or an extra shift they can earn more money.
For instance
, an employee who works on holidays can get more money from their boss or company because they have to
work
while
 they can relax and enjoy their own vacation.
Thus
, working most of the
time
 can help a lot in improving human finance. Another key component of the case for working in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term is
work
promotion
. It should be self-evident that if
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
 spend more
time
workingwork
Correct your spelling
working
, they can easily get the
work
promotion
 because of their attempts which is clear evidence of their contribution to the company and they have to sacrifice their spare
time
 merely to
work
.
As a consequence
, these efforts will help them to be more promoted in their career path.
Therefore
, working for a long period of
life
 can help them get a job
promotion
. In conclusion, being hard working most of the
time
 can help humans to get financial enhancement and job
promotion
.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that working most of the
time
 is an essential part of each human’s
life
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and develops your points logically. However, there are some minor grammatical issues and awkward phrases that can be improved. For example, "if human live a hard-working life" should be "if humans live a hard-working life."
task achievement
Further, adding more relevant and specific examples would make your argument stronger. For example, besides mentioning an employee working on holidays, you could talk about how overtime could lead to greater savings or investments.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and logically supports your opinion with reasons including financial benefits and job promotion.
coherence cohesion
A structured introduction and conclusion help in presenting your points clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
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